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4 Tips to Stop the Fat Talk for Good

By , Molly Galbraith
Fat talk.  We've all done it.  We have all looked in the mirror at one time or another and said negative things about our physical appearance. 

In fact, we probably do it so often that we don't even notice it anymore.

We pinch our bellies and grumble about our thighs rubbing together and look at the dimples on the backs of our legs in disgust for years. We say it in our heads, we share it with our girlfriends, and even when our partners complement our bodies, we argue with their assessment. We do it so often that it seems totally normal. 

But it's not. 

We aren't made to be filled with self-hatred, self-loathing and negative self-talk; yet somehow it has become completely acceptable to be our own worst enemy.
So how can you stop this kind of talk?  How can we go from bashing our bodies on a regular basis to thinking more positively and replacing those negative thoughts with loving ones? Start with these four strategies.
1. Recognize that you and your body are completely unique. 
You were born with a completely unique genetic makeup and predispositions to certain physical attributes. You can influence some physical characteristics with your lifestyle, but some things simply can't be changed. 

But you know what's really cool?  You hit the genetic lottery.  Yep, it's true.  Every single one of us hit the genetic lottery in something. Maybe you have gorgeous hair, or a stunning smile, or a killer wit.  So what if you don't have six-pack abs or "perfect" legs?  I can guarantee you have some pretty special qualities.

Maybe it's harder for you to lose fat or gain muscle than your best friend or your co-worker, and that can be frustrating.  But maybe they are coveting your awesome squat form or your ability to run 20 sets of bleachers without breaking a sweat.

Action step: Find your own sweet spot where your health, lifestyle, performance and aesthetics intersect. It might not look like anyone else's—and that's just how it should be.
2. Set goals that aren't about losing weight.
For most people, losing body fat is their number one goal related to their health, fitness or appearance.  If you have excess fat to lose, that's a great goal to have.  However, somewhere along your fat-loss journey you will hit an inevitable and frustrating plateau during which your weight loss stalls or stops completely.  This plateau may last a few weeks, or it may last significantly longer than that. 

The problem?  When your goal is body fat loss, and you're struggling (and sometimes failing) to achieve it, it encourages negative thinking and fat talk.  You're constantly focused on what you don't like about your body and how it's not changing.  You'll start to think that you're not dedicated enough, not good enough, or not working hard enough. 
Setting goals that aren't directly related to fat loss can be much more positive and encouraging (and psst: they often lead to fat loss indirectly!).  Plus, it's good to focus on something other than weight, especially if you tend to obsess or get down about what the scale says.

Action step: Choose one short-term goal (2-3 months away) and one long-term goal (6-12 months away) that aren't about weight, and commit to them fully.  When you've achieved them, acknowledge that you've achieved them and allow yourself to feel very proud.

3. Stop and ask yourself, "Would I say that to someone I love?"
You've probably heard the saying, "We are our own worst critics," and it's so true.  We say things to ourselves that we would never ever say to someone we love. 

We tell ourselves that we are fat, disgusting, gross, worthless, and hopeless.  We tell ourselves that we will never achieve our goals, that we quit everything we start, that we aren't worthy of being happy or loved.

It rarely sounds crazy or mean in our own heads, but when we see it in writing, it's easier to understand just how harmful that self-talk can be. With that kind of feedback, how could anyone succeed?

Action step: Start becoming more aware of your thoughts and internal monologue. Next time you catch yourself saying something negative to yourself, ask: Would you say that to your mother? Your sister? Your best friend? Your daughter?  If the answer is no, then do not say it to yourself.

Develop a positive mantra that you can repeat to yourself until the negative thoughts are replaced with positive thoughts.  Something as simple as, "I am beautiful and worthy," works perfectly.
4. Recognize that your thoughts and words impact everyone around you.
It's very easy to forget how much we affect the people around us. This is especially true with impressionable young children (especially girls). Some research shows that girls as young as five years old already have body dissatisfaction and express a desire to be thinner.

Where do they get these ideas? Sure, there are societal and media influences even at that age, but most often, they hear others (including their moms, sisters, grandmothers, aunts, etc.) talk negatively about their own bodies. Those flippant comments you make about your thighs, the way you react after stepping on the scale, and even your physical discomfort and shameful body language when wearing a bathing suit—kids pick up on all of this.

So how do we recognize and turn around a lifetime of self-destructive behavior? 

Action step: STOP immediately any time you notice negativity floating through your head or coming out of your mouth.  If you catch yourself saying something negative in front of a child, talk about it. Point out that it's not nice to say negative things about anyone including ourselves. Explain that we should be kind to ourselves just like we try to be to others.

Remember, you are beautiful and worthy right this moment.  Not 10 pounds from now.  Not two sizes from now.  Not two months of calorie-counting from now. Right now.  It's time you recognize this, and treat yourself like the amazing person you are. You deserve it.

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Thank you Report
I did this just yesterday afternoon. Our company gave us brand new T-shirts made out of a wicking material. (We just remodeled our building's fitness center!!!!) They're beautiful shirts and, since I don't like traditional T-shirts, I was really excited to see the women's shirts were V-necked. I also realized I would have to go down a size than what I initially expected. However, after I put it on and got ready to go grab a treadmill, all I saw was my big belly sticking out. Everyone else talked about how great it looked, but I couldn't hear them from all the negative talk in my head. Gotta start listening to the outer voices more! Report
Why do articles like this always include a picture of a gorgeous model? Report
I felt this article. Not sure how many times my husband has looked at me in a ponytail no make up and smiled and said how beautiful I was. I feel the fat hanging off my body in disgust and think say how can I be. I need to be kinder to myself and forgive my mistakes that lead to this body so I can correct it. Report
That's OK if you have good self esteem I know I do NOT. Report
Love the five step pro active plan! Attitude is the basis for all our work, we wanna keep it great! Report
Great Article!! Report
I used to call myself Fat Boy. I still do sometimes. I know I need to stop that as it's not a good mental attitude. Report
I am guilty as charged...time to change my ways ;) Report
I am so guilty of nasty self-talk. I appreciate the advice here and will work on being nicer to me. I am the only female in a Family of 7 Kids. My brothers enjoyed teasing me and my response was just they wanted. We get along much better as adults. Report
Wonderful article - very helpful & motivating!!! One of Don Miquel Ruiz's 4 Agreements is to be impeccable with your word - to yourself as well & to others. This reminds us how we can be true & kind to ourselves with our words & internal dialogue! Thank You!!! Report
Motivating! Report
What a great blog. Thank you so much! Report
Biggest bully in your life, is yourself. Because what you say to yourself, are things you wouldn't ever say to your most hated enemy. Pretty twisted, eh? Report
I do all of those and have been steadily gaining rather than losing weight for years. I would never say to anyone what I have said to myself in my disgust over my weight gain. In fact when I have heard my family or friends talk about themselves speak like that, I have said "don't you talk to my friend like that." This is a good reminder that it is time for me "not to talk to myself like that." Report
I try to focus on the little positive changes I see in my body from working out and eating more healthy food. I stop the "fat talk" by saying things like, "Man, my shoulders look a lot more toned since I started that upper-body workout," or something similar. It helps me love my body little by little, and even if I don't see weight loss (which is discouraging), I see other physical improvements in the mirror. I realize that certain areas of my body aren't where I want them to be yet, but if I keep with the changes I've started making, I'll get there. :) Report
Great food for thought! Report
I have been working on NOT listening to, and working to stop the negative comments that I make to myself. It is NOT easy, but it is worth it. Right now, I am recovering, very nicely I might add, from 2 total knee replacements and a major back surgery within a 2 year time period. After reading this article, I am going to turn to LOVING my knees and my back, because they work so much better, and I have no pain where before I was in 24/7 pain and misery.

I am so much more able to walk, ride my bike, and just feel good in general. I love my new knees and my new back! YAY
Thanking God for advancements in medicine.

Bonnie Report
Why would a little girl have a negative body image? Disney princesses, Barbie, Bratz, etc..., etc... Seriously. Report
What we say about ourselves really does impact our children at a young age. About a month ago I said "Ugh, I look like Humpty Dumpty" while looking in the mirror with my two year old daughter in the room. For about a week after that, my daughter would look in the mirror and say "Eww, Humpty Dumpty". Since then I have been very mindful of what I say about my body in front of her. Report
Wow! I do the fat talk all the time.I thought I was being sarcastic to self and not so mean... that article was surely a shock. Report
Clearly a few people missed the point. It's not saying that you SHOULDN'T be honest if you need to change something about your lifestyle. It's saying stop being so negative because you are DESTROYING your self esteem more than actually improving it. Geez. I can't stand when people don't get the main points of articles and use it as an excuse to not take something positive from it. Report
This is a tough call for me. I know that a negative self image can impact other areas of our life. No one should judge ourselves or others by physical characteristics, but there are also those who advocate a personal “kick in the pants” approach. Some things I can’t change completely, but I can improve them. For that I don’t need constant nasty comments, just an honest self-assessment. Report
of course one should be honest but that doesn't mean it's helpful to be hateful. negative reinforcement can have a short-term effect, but its long-term damage is worse than the 'sin' it's meant to correct.
if you wouldn't say the nasty stuff to your child (and gods above and below, i sure hope you don't), then don't say it to yourself. Report
My mother told us her stories of how kids called her "fatty" and she was always dieting. But in looking back over her photographs she was actually quite beautiful and didn't recognize it. Report
Negativity-shmegativity; how, in the name of all that is holy, is it constructive NOT to be honest with yourself? It is of the utmost importance to acknowledge one's own limitations,and that requires brutal honesty. Somtimes that means looking in the mirror and going, "Nice flubber buns, fatty!" Personally, I do better when I'm tough on myself.

Augusten Burroughs says that affirmations and beattitudes are the intellectual equivalent of laying a paper towel over the dog turd on the carpet, rather than cleaning it up, and I think he's right. Report
I get the article, understand what the author is saying. but when I found myself weighing 335 lbs, when I used to be a 115 lb model. I was gross, , very disgusted with myself. And what kept me worrking on those 10 lbs I set up to lose in increments was telling, sometimes yelling how terrible I looked and felt at that obsene weight . Yes I said things to myself in front of the mirror that I wouldn't dream of telling my closest, dearest friend.
If I had a few pounds to lose, I wouldn't be so hard on myself. But sometimes one needs "Tough Love', or words,for the realiztion to really hit home. I keep reinforcing the fact that I was smart, ittelligent and deserved to keep my body and health in better shape.
Anyway it worked, I lost the weight, am keeping it off. I might not have that model body, but for my 72 years, it's healthy and more fit than it was in that over weight stage. So I say do what you have to to make losing work. Report
Negativity can hurt your weight loss efforts as much as binge eating. Plus, life is short. Don't spend it criticizing yourself and looking forward to a different version of yourself. Live the life you want RIGHT NOW. Report
All of these are great suggestions. For years I had been yelling at myself and calling myself names as pounds started loading on. I read an article similar to the one above and realized I would *never* talk to someone else the way I was talking to myself. Now, the pounds haven't exactly been falling off, but not calling myself names certainly has reduced my stress and made me a happier person! And, I am sure the people around me like it better when I am happy. ;) Report
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