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BunnyTurtle Wedding Day (11.25.06)

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Accept no excuses, only results!

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Why I am doing this...


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You should be up and doing something, anything other than sitting. If you are like me, you are sitting in a slightly uncomfortable chair, eating eating something or drinking (though I am sure that it is healthy right?). I have been on Spark for a few months, and I have lost some weight and inches, invigorated with the determination to lose this weight once and for all. I slay my dragons, happily going to the grocery store and stocking up on healthy food for me and my husband, come home make dinner, await my husbands arrival, make our lunches, and still have time to work out for 90 minutes to burn off that ice cream feast I had today (for a midnight snack). Okay, I didn't say it was realistic. Hence, I fizzled out. I don't want to, and you can't make me. I laugh as I go to the kitchen reaching for a spoon for the second time today ready to tackle the rest of the defenseless ice cream. I wonder what did it ever do to (or for for that matter) to me? I clink the spoon against the empty container, and feeling nauseated, I wonder why the heck I just did that. Did I really want that whole container of icecream? More than likely, upon reflection, no. I could have done without it. I did it out of comfort and knowing it will be there waiting on me, not caring that I am 50 pounds overweight, and huff and puff simply walking, and that I cry myself to sleep (silently) for being so weak, out of shape, infertile, and attached to you. I love you and at the same time I hate you. I vow to do better the next day. Nothing but salad, water, and if I must a can of tuna. That is it. Tomorrow comes and the cycle repeats. I am finally tired of it. I have been tired for a while, but I didn't know what was wrong. I woke up at a whopping 195 pounds standing in a Sam's club aisle. I am, is, are, was, were fat. Not P-H-A-T, but F-A-T. Big difference. I eat out of boredom, sadness, loneliness, happiness, (though not as frequently). IT all started with these simple words. "There is no way you can possibly get pregnant naturally!" From my fertility doctor, after thinking silently for months (and not so silently) that there is something wrong. Every month getting pregnancy symptoms that were more creative than what every You Might Be Pregnant If book ever thought of. Too much testosterone..PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). What? I don't want to perform chemistry to find out my levels, I want to get a simple + on my mountain of pregnancy tests that I purchased in bulk. With my birth control pills, I dejectedly go home, not with great news of impending motherhood, but take these and call us in 6 months. Every month I literally swallowed my chances of getting pregnant away with a pretty little yellow pills (ovcon 50 if anyone is interested). The funny thing is, with these little pills you have to be real careful, I had depression, suicidal thoughts, weight gain (not blaming that on the pills), and a huge decrease in desire. Isn't that required to make a baby? I'm not sure. My loving and very supportive husband, I don't know what I would do or how I would get through this without him. We were married on November 25, 2007, the week before while putting the finishing touches together and preparing to say "I Do" in my most fetching voice, my body is casting away our child. Here we are, 15 months from the miscarriage and I am still on birth control pills, my body valiantly fighting me the entire way. My levels were 76, now they are to 54. Woo hoo! Therefore, after going gungho for 3 months, I am backsliding (probably due to possibly mommy-hood stresses, but I know that that container of ice cream, though delicious and incredibly alluring, is not going to help me obtain my goal of being healthy to have a child, and I am a woman with a mission. So, here I am pouring my guts out to you hoping that this is my last time of writing an introduction on a weight loss website. I don't want to be a model, I just want to be happy, healthy, and a mommy. Baby steps. (pun intended). This is not a diet, it is a life change!


“There is no challenge more challenging than the challenge to improve yourself.”
Michael Staley
I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A bird will fall frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.
Motivation isn't something you can find or lose, or something you can get from anyone or anything else. - CoachDean
“Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.”

Member Since: 12/13/2007

Fitness Minutes: 0

My Goals:
1.) To be a mommy!

2.) Drink my water (8 glasses minimum)

3.) Work at conquering emotional eating.

Bored = Get on Spark and check in daily

Angry = Write in journal

Stressed = Work out

4.) Track my calories
1200-1500/daily (goal)

5.) Eat 3 servings of fruits/veggies (daily)

6.) To be healthy and happy.

7.) To be a good wife, daughter, grand-daughter, niece, friend (and mother).

8.) To continue not smoking (stopped September 2, 2007!)

9.) To control my depression through regular exercise

10.) To strength train 2x/week for 30 minutes (minimum)

11.) To do aerobics 5x/week for 30 minutes (minimum)

12.) To stay within my calorie range of 1200-1500 calories daily (including weekends)

My Program:
December 14 - 31, 2007

Sunday: Day Off

30 minutes of walking

30 minutes of walking
Spark strength training

30 minutes of walking

30 minutes of walking
Spark strength training

30 minutes of walking

Saturday: Day Off

Personal Information:
I am 24 years old married to THE MOST WONDERFUL guy in the world! I love you BunnyTurtle! We are looking to start a family, but to date (15 months and counting) no luck. I am an emotional eater, looking to conquer this side of me that I awoke when TTC depression kicked in with a vengeance. I want to live my life with my husband and be happy, healthy, and a mommy!

Other Information:

The path to a dream is paved with sacrifices and lined with determination.

And though it has many stumbling blocks along the way and may go in more than one direction, it is marked with faith.

It is traveled by belief and courage, persistence and hard work. It is conquered with a willingness to face challenges and take chances, to fail and try again and again.

Along the way, you may have to confront doubts, setbacks, and unfairness.

But when the path comes to an end, you will find that there is no greater joy than making (and having) your dream come true.
-Barbara Cage

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