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I have a confession to make. I had the "spark" several years ago and found a lot of success with it. I was well on my way to my goal, but I let life get in the way. Not sure why, but it did. Well that's not entirely true. I do know the excuse I used to justify giving up because tit was just a lot of work and wallowing self pity was so much easier. The sad thing about my decision to stop progressing, a series of very pour decisions set in motion the systematic destruction of my metabolism; including (but not limited to) drinking at near alcoholic proportions, drug use and of course smoking. A toxic and potentially lethal combination the that allowed me to gain back the 70 pounds I lost, plus 30 more.

This new profile is a way for me to truly start over. The anonymity allows me to be completely honest with my self and my words.

The title of my page pretty much says it all. Currently, the bottom is where I live when it comes to my health. I know it could be worse, but I just won't allow it to go on any longer. I can't.

I am a writer, and therefore committing to blog about the process of losing the 180 pounds of dead weight I have, hiding a huge heart and happy more present person I am inside. A weight that drains me of motivation and self esteem everyday. Carrying the weight of a full grown adult male around with me everywhere, is robbing me of life and the ability to live it on my own terms.

I'm not going to post pictures or share personal information about who I am. I am approaching this strictly as an exercise in discovery. A place for me to document the process of progress. A place to be accountable for who I am and what I do in regards to my health.

The good news is, I have been here before and I have prevailed. Losing the weight is not the problem. Losing weight is not the goal. Completely changing my lifestyle is the point of all this. Losing weight is going to merely be a side effect. If I finally learn how to change my lifestyle, the this will never happen again.

See. I'm not a completely fatalistic and negative. Guess there is hope after all.

Member Since: 2/17/2016

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Read More About FATMESSDIARIES - Profile Information moved here. (Updated February 17)

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