FUTUREGILLIS

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Athena and I when I was the size I want to get back to.. The pic was a surprise hence the look lol



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Look, its a cartoon me! lol



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These are my kids. Allan and I have a 'Yours, Mine, and Ours' family, and I definitely need to be happier and healthier for them as well as myself.


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I'm Kat, and for 3 years I have been so overweight I don't even like to leave the house anymore. To be honest, I have always had a hard time with my weight. I didn't have a positive role model in terms of how to be healthy and promotion of my self confidence. Even when I did look great, I didn't see it. Now I'm at the point where I know what it really is to be overweight and I realize that I took myself for granted.

I have suffered the onset of Bipolar type 2 and Social Anxiety Disorder, and I think my weight is having a very negative impact on my treatment process. I really just want to be comfortable in my own skin again. Actually scratch that.. I never have felt comfortable in my own skin. I guess I'll settle for not hating being in my skin then :P

I'm sure if anyone actually reads this, they're going to think I'm shallow because I am so focused on how 'pretty/gorgeous' I can look or wish I looked. I assure you though it isn't the case. I am happy with my personality, and apart from being ridiculously shy and wanting to hide from people so they don't judge my weight, there isn't much I would change about myself other than my appearance.

'Back in the day' I used to notice people checking me out, and as sad as it is, that was a major source of self esteem for me. Now, there's nothing. My self confidence has always been in ruins as a result of an abusive mother, but at least I always had the roving eyes of strange men to comfort me lol I really would like to not want that attention back as badly as I do. It would just be so great if looking at myself in the mirror made me feel POSITIVE. Or, it would be great if I could walk past a full length mirror without my entire day being ruined by the flaws that jump out at me.

My fiance is amazing. He's everything I ever wanted in a man, minus the prince part. I know he loves me no matter what, and he thinks I'm beautiful even though I'm almost 100lbs more than I was when we met.. and that's great. Really it is. BUT.. it just isn't enough, you know? I know HE thinks I'm gorgeous, but it would be great if I felt it too.

I feel like if I didn't hate my appearance so much, I would enjoy being outside.. hence, I would take my kids outside more. Instead I dread having to go out.. and need to spend a ridiculous amount of time finding the right outfit to hide myself from the world. It really is time consuming, never mind such a drain emotionally.

In the end, if I put everything I want and make it into one major thing.. what I want most is to FEEL fantastic about myself by the time I turn 30. I'm going to be 28 on October 12th 2011.. so I better get crackin'!


Member Since: 9/14/2011

Fitness Minutes: 405

My Goals:
1. Go into a bridal shop without the sales ladies telling me the dresses won't fit.. without me even asking to try them on.

2. I want 'Sparta' to no longer be able to hold my size over me.

3. To look gorgeous at my wedding, and be able to feel it!

9/13/2011 - 245lbs
9/20/2011 - 237lbs
9/26/2011 -
10/3/2011 -
10/10/2011 -
10/17/2011 -


My Program:
Right now I'm starting out small.. trying to change my eating habits by paying closer attention to what I'm taking in. I'm also going to the gym and I am committed to keeping up with that to help me remain toned.



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Other Information:




Read More About FUTUREGILLIS - Profile Information moved here. (Updated September 16)




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Comments
  • v HAPPIESTMAMA
    Hey there! I noticed you were a new member in the Bi Polar team and wanted to say hello! We're about the same age and both have children and of course Bi Polar disorder so I wanted to befriend you! Hope you're having a lovely day!

    Erica emoticon
    3057 days ago
  • v AMBERRULE
    Ugh! I know what you mean! I was having a bad week but stayed on calories and exercise most of the week even though I was totally seeking comfort from food! But then on Saturday and Sunday night I went crazy!!!!!! Seriously like 2500-3000 calories both days! I weighed in this morning at 215 which is only 1lb over what I was at 214 before the week end! Also I didn't do week 2 days 5,6 and 7 either or do my week 2 days 2 and 3 for 5k training! But I am gonna kick ass this week there is no stopping this girl! We all have our bad days or weeks in my case but the key is to keep moving forward and learn from the mistakes we made and do better next time! In a perfect world we wouldn't need a next time we would just do it right the first time lol, but in a perfect world we wouldn't be fat, hahaha! Anyway rebuild that wagon and get back on we can do it!
    3058 days ago
  • v JLH1026
    Welcome to the Tall Ladies team - I'm glad you found us. I wish you the best of success as you reach for your goals. You can do it!

    Jen

    emoticon
    3065 days ago
  • v TURTLE69
    Welcome to the Done Being the Fat Girl Team! emoticon It is a very supportive and motivated team. Feel free to add me as a friend. If ever you need help, just let us know and one of your Done Sistahs will be there for you.

    emoticon

    Vanessa
    3065 days ago
  • v BARCLE
    Hi and welcome to the Mommies Couch to 5k team emoticon Have a super day emoticon
    3071 days ago
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