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I've decided that I'm going to just start right where I am and see where it takes me. I'm not sure how to start. I'm overwhelmed, scared and I feel like things may never change. But I feel like at this point... the only way I have to go is up (and hopefully that number on the scale will start going down)! I suppose I'm waiting for the light bulb to go on, or for some sort of key. I know I have to get to that place on my own, but right now, I feel stuck! I'm sick of telling myself "today is the new start" and then giving up in a week. I'm a prisoner in my own body. I'm sick of feeling like I don't deserve what others do because of my weight and that I should alter who I am just a bit because I'm not beautiful enough to be this person. I'm sure there are others out there who share my feelings. I know that I have over 100 pounds to lose and that will be tough, but I think the most work I have ahead of me is learning how to love and accept myself.
I've been overweight my whole life. Though I want so much to make the change, a part of me is wondering if I'm scared because losing weight will be entering the unknown. At this point though...if there's something out there for me that is waiting to be experienced, I have to find out! Were always scared of what we don't know, but should that stop us from being the people we know we are destined to be?
I'm starting from right where I am and taking my first step. No promises, no "today is the day", no more thinking that this one step will be the fix to all my problems. I have no more expectations. I have chosen to start from the ground, work on standing myself back up, and then taking my first step.

One of my biggest feats here, I think, will be learning to love an accept myself. Perhaps that is where my true journey begins.

I never thought Id hit the 200's, yet there I was. I never thought Id hit the 300's, yet here I am. My goal is to see 199 by next year. That is something I don’t think I have ever seen in my adult life.

Member Since: 11/5/2011

Fitness Minutes: 714

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