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I am a 63 y/o wife, mother, grandma & greatgranny. I'm a RN with 20+ years in OB now semi-retired to a geriatric rehab center. I was diagnosed with kidney cancer treated with surgery & radiation (25) & have been cancer free by CT & Bone scans for 5 years. This years CT showed 2 suspicous areas on the L lung. God is in control and His plan for me is for good. No matter what I face He will walk me through. And when the enemy collapses me with fear, He protects me & fights that battle for me & restores my peace.

Edited for 2010...My year of fear, mercy & grace...My God is still in control !!
My PET Scan showed no change from 2009...both rad. & med oncologist decided no more CT or PET unless I am having some kind of symptoms...BIG woohoo!
I am still my moms' caregiver, although she still reminds me daily that I'm not allowed to keep her away from her house in KeyWest and her goal for returning is June, so she'll be home to protect her house from hurricanes (visual pic: a 94yo who can barely balance herself to walk unassisted, on a ladder trying to close storm shutters...)
Mid-May: progressive shortness of breath... cardiac work-up neg... I think anxiety... my mom going home June 6th (against my better judgement or anyones' judgement for that matter)
June: SOB worse, ChestXR...worse then I expected... full R side pleural effusion. ER admit to large hosp...3qt. fld removal. DSIL gets to take my mom back to KeyWest! Pleural fld neg for cancer cells. 2 chest wall biopsy attempts unreadable due to necrosis...
now I'm fearful & frustrated. By now my only link to what is real is that I know that God is still in control & this go round He has provided me with a medical "team" & true to God having a sense of "team" all have different ideas & approaches so this go round instead of only having to understand 1-2 docs I have 5-6!
July: removal of 2 encapsulated "densities" (replacement term for lesions, that replaced tumors, that replaced cancer: meaning
and outcome the same), left 3 that weren't encapsulated. Every black cloud has a silver lining, some are just harder to find...path report lymph or lung cells present, just kidney. Not cureable, but very slow growing and now treatable with chemo.
Sept: surgery healed well, now we start oral chemo. Well being a nurse, I think oral is a big step from IV, so much less side effects,
WRONG...beastly ugly and I get to do this for 28 days and then get 14 days off and then start the next cycle...seems my personally designed set of side effects are fatigue & neuropathy of both feet & my mouth.
Oct: fatigue & neuropathy no change. Showed feet to my oncologist...immediate dec dosage of chemo for Nov.
Nov: fatigue unchanged but feet seem better (no longer consider
amputation as a viable solution), mouth is learning to LOVE baby meats (no chewing necessary)
Dec: bad,bad person...since my side effects didn't begin until 10-14 days after cycle starts...I felt no problem going shopping with DD who had just returned from Bahrain so we spent 10-12 hrs shopping (for last year & this year) but it was only the 1st week of chemo...WRONG...chemo feet can start anytime with a vengence. So, I have made a contract with my feet...cane or walker week 1-2
and then walker and/or wheelchair week3-4 (or earlier if needed & I will not murmer about "pride" issues). POSITIVE for the month:
my CT for the end of my 1st 3 chemo cycles showed no new mets and almost 50% decrease in execting densities!
As 2010 ends, I know that God is and always be in control. In 2003, I thought God meant to "cure" me,( my intepretation not His promise), I have come to see healing differently today. When I sleep at night under His protection and am rested, when I awaken to a new day (a new beginning to a new life) I am healed for 1 more day. I may not be "medically healed" but that really isn't important.

Member Since: 9/8/2007

Fitness Minutes: 0

My Goals:
plan for gastric lapband surgery

maintain 1200 cal low carb--low fat food plan

lose 100-120 pounds; 1 pound at a time

walking program

My Program:
healthy food choices

portion control

increased water intake

walking for excercise & relaxation

use food tracker

Personal Information:
I am MarilynC & I live in rural north FL with DH and 1 cat (that doesn't know she's a cat) and a shelty dog( that is obedent to everyone including the cat!). The only population explosion in our town are cows, pigs & goats. How I love living in the country!

Other Information:
Love sewing & reading. Favorite author: Joyce Meyers
Favorite color: blue

I hope to support others on Spark message boards as they have helped me

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    Thankyou so much for the sunshine and the comforting words, I know I shouldn't moan as I have so much to be thankful for but it got it off my chest and actually made me feel better.
    Thankyou emoticon
    2875 days ago
    Saw in the Plus Size Exercise SpartTeam you needed support.
    Since that's a vague and open-ended statement, I'm here just to say hi and become your SparkFriend so I can get to know how best to support you in your time of troubles.

    I noticed Joyce Meyer is your fav author. She's from right here near my home town of St. Louis (Fenton, actually). My across-the-street neighbor is her Director of IT.

    You have a fun and active weekend and I hope to stay in touch!
    2880 days ago
  • v TNLADY1960
    2887 days ago
    emoticon Just stopping around tovisit my Spark Sisters. emoticon
    2893 days ago
    Thank you for the SparkGoodie, and your wonderful words. You have touched my heart today; when I needed it the most. Thank you seems very insufficient for how much it's helped me today; but I don't know any better or bigger words than THANKS to YOU! Many blessings to you my friend. BIG HUGS!

    (I hope you don't mind, but I shared the comment on the blog. It helps me later when I need some inspiration, to be able to go back and have all the comments together there to read them again. Otherwise I don't know where to track down all the support I've been given. When I'm not sure of myself I like to look back and read the great feedback I've gotten.)
    2907 days ago
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