See this image larger
Convocation 2010: Wore a *dress* despite usually being too self-conscious! :)

See this image larger
St. Patrick's Day 2010 (Erin, Cassie, & myself)

See this image larger
Picture of the boy and I, from New Years 2008.

go to goodies page
Welcome Banner
go to goodies page
Thank You Card
go to goodies page
Official 28-Day...

Shared Food & Fitness Trackers
Interact with TO_NEVERWHERE
Add as SparkFriend Send Private Message Leave Comment

As of January 5, 2012, I am revisiting my SparkPeople profile, in the hopes that this year will be "the year" that I am finally able to commit to and actively work towards my goals. This marks the fifth year of my weight loss struggle, and I am growing frustrated with my lack of willpower. There are countless reasons why I would like to lose the weight - health (now and in the future), self-image, wearing cute clothes, and now an upcoming wedding - but my previous years of failure are very discouraging. :(



I've struggled with "weight problems" as I will call them, as well as body image and self-esteem issues for quite a long time. I always dealt with the name-calling, and etc. from classroom bullies, but the first majorly traumatizing event that I remember happened in the sixth grade. My school was jumping on the "Child ID" cards, for safety purposes, which had a photograph and listed various physical characteristics: eye colour, hair colour, height, WEIGHT and others. Just like getting a yearbook, when we were issued the cards, everyone in my sixth grade class was passing them around and looking at everyone's. I wasn't too thrilled with that idea so I didn't participate, but my closest friends were taking a peek and screamed out, "120 lbs?! Wow Jen, that's so high!"

Looking back on it, maybe it's kind of silly, but I'm fairly sure that began the decade and a bit of self-hatred and consciously struggling with my weight and appearance.

Fast-forward to today: I am currently 24, and have graduated from University with a degree in Child and Youth Studies, as well as a degree in Education. I haven't had luck yet on the teaching front, and am working a retail job while my boyfriend finishes school. Despite having progressed so far since these issues all started, I am still struggling with accepting myself. For the past 14 years, my weight and personal perception of my appearance have held me back from participating in a number of activities. I haven't owned a bathing suit or a pair of shorts for at least six years because I don't want other people to see me. This means summers are often long and torturous.

I always "renew" my goals and motivation at the beginning of the month, the year - but no progress is made. I slip back into old habits. I don't know what it is going to take to break through this barrier, but I can't be a slave to my weight anymore. I deserve to be happy and enjoy my life. Also, when the time comes to get married, have children, etc., I don't want my weight and self-consciousness to hold me back. Something must be done. I don't believe in myself just yet, but I NEED to.


Every human being is the author of his own health or disease. ~Buddha

"Which road should I take?" she asked the cat.
"Where do you want to get to?" the cat asked helpfully.
"I don't know," admitted Alice.
"Then," advised the cat, "any road will take you there."
-- Alice in Wonderland


Admittedly, I haven't been very good at setting concrete goals for myself, and I think that's why I have been failing for so many years. Reading through the various forums here, I got the idea to set "5%" goals. Each subsequent goal weight will be 5% of the previous goal. 5% seems reasonable, not too daunting, so let's see how this will go.

START (05/01/12): 155

GOAL 1: 147.2

GOAL 2: 139.8

GOAL 3: 132.8

GOAL 4: 126.2


I am toying with the idea of putting some rewards in there because I have never used those either, but not really sure where I should go with that...

Member Since: 10/28/2006

Fitness Minutes: 4,960

My Goals:
- Reduce the amount of empty carbs I consume: bread, chips, etc.
- Complete the Couch to 5k running program.
- LT: Run 5k outdoors.

My Program:

Personal Information:
Brock University alumni; graduated with degrees in (1) Child and Youth Studies; and (2) Education.

To get in contact with me, send me a message through SP. I love having new friends and buddies to keep me on track!

Other Information:
I have been in a relationship with my high school sweetheart for over ten years, and we are recently engaged! I am very grateful to have him in my life.

I'm also a bit of a gamer, currently obsessed with Terraria.

Read More About TO_NEVERWHERE - Profile Information moved here. (Updated January 14)

Shown if member clicks "Read More"

(Shown after Message Board Posts)
Add a Link
Save Changes
My Ticker:
 current weight: 148.0 
Login to Leave Comment
  • v SWEETBASIL14981
    Hi emoticon Thank you for the kind words and the birthday ballons on my page and I wish you a wonderful and fantastic day!
    3614 days ago
  • v TURTLE69
    Welcome to the Emotional Eaters Team! emoticon Feel free to add me to your friends. If you need any support or just someone to talk with, give me a holler.


    3615 days ago
  • v WILLOW49
    Welcome to the EE team :) If you haven't already done so, be sure to stop by the team and introduce yourself. Let's get going!
    3617 days ago
    Thanks for adding me as a sparkfriend. I just read you "about me" section, and it sounds so much like me it's almost scary. Hopefully we will get to the point where weight doesn't define us... but sadly, I meet these young kids who are worried about how they look when all they should be worried about is playing during recess and just being kids.
    3633 days ago
  • v MAGPIE17
    I came by your profile to thank you for your comment on my blog; I find mylist really motivating, I hope yours is for you! And then I noticed your degrees and thought, did this girl go to Brock??! And saw that you did! I'm Brock alum too, with degrees in CHYS and Education! Graduated in 2007 :).

    Have an awesome new year!


    3755 days ago
Member Comments (57):  123Next >Last >>