Hating myself right now/ damaged self esteem

I feel emotionally down this week, the pounds being alil stubborn and my boyfriend got a raise which is great, but they call him into work more than usual now, I haven't seen him in almost 4 weeks, it has hurt me more than I thought, for some reason names one of my exes called me started popping up in my head and I feel how i felt then I had just lost 40 pounds before i met him but he thought at 182 I was still too fat for him why I stayed with him I do not no, but he called me names he said they would call me in his country he came from , he said he called me those names bcuz he loved, me, but i said how could that be love, love in unconditional, I now here those names and I start to argue with my bf bcuz i feel he feels the same some how, i let that emotional baggage scar me and I don't want to take it out on him, i just want my self esteem back, it as been damaged and gone for along time, any advice? help!!!!