Thursday, May 15, 2008
*I have posted this in threads already but anyway here goes...
I have been doing really good lately with keeping up with eatting right and getting in my exercises. But last night I couldn't. I made the excuse that my leg was hurting after I hit it getting out of the pool the night before, yes it was sore, but I could of still gone. Instead after I ate dinner which was a little piece of steak and some corn, I went back into the kitchen, grabbed the icing can and spoon and started eatting it. I don't know why I did but I did. Not only that I had a can of coke, which I have been coke/pepsi free for a month, and ate some more. It is like I didn't care about all the hard work that I have put in the past month. Thought that I would of been excited and motivated as I just lost 8 pounds.
I don't know if it is cuz my brother is moving to Colorado on Sunday and I am in Illinois, or that today is my sister's wedding anniversary and I am still single. Did I mention that she is YOUNGER than I am? Perhaps it is looking at before and after pictures I see some weight loss, but I am fixiated on the fact that I can not stand up straight. Long story on why that is. I just want to cry and give up. Wondering if it is all worth it.
The funny thing is today before I left for work I tried on a pair of size 28 pants that I recieved for Christmas year before last that were too small for me then. Couldn't get them past my hips and butt, but today I was able to get them up my hips and past my butt and fastened. Granted they were just a little tight yet, but a matter of a couple of weeks I know they will fit me good. I could not even get excited about that. I just look at how great everyone is doing on my teams, and then pictures ... I just feel everyone is so beautiful, and I am the ugly duckling. Don't feel beautiful or pretty at all. Just don't like myself very much at the moment.
I hate being such a downer. I know there are others out there that have more difficult problems than what I am going through and I just feel like a baby right now.