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Saturday, June 14, 2008

Hello Sparkfamily! Long time no speak. I hope all of you are doing well and are doing great on your weight loss journey as well as with life itself.

With that being said, I haven't been logging on lately due to family issues. To make a long sad story as short as possible, my grandmother, who raised me and is the most important thing to me in my life, has fallen ill. This is the hardest thing I have ever had to go through in my 38 years of life. When I was little, any time I was sick or had an "owie", she was right there to pick me up and make me feel better. When I go to the hospital and see her, lying there in the hospital bed with tubes in her and looking so frail, I want to pick her up and hold her and make her feel better. But I can't. And that a combined with the reality that I could lose her has been a really hard thing to deal with. Funny thing through all of this, I have still stuck to my eating plan (14 lbs gone) and working out. But then I feel guilty that I am still trying to take care of myself while my grandmother is in the hospital. I have really been reaching deep within myself to meditate and try and find some calm somewhere. But it is hard. I can be doing something as simple and doing laundry and my thoughts hit me and I start crying.

Yesterday wasn't a good day for her. I had to watch her cry out in pain and stand there helpless unable to do anything. The nurse came in and gave her some medicine and she was finally able to rest. I kissed her and told her I loved her and she told me she loved me too, then she went to sleep. I left her room and when I got to the lobby of the hospital, something within me drove me to go to the hospital chapel. I went in, sat and cried. The chapel is an interfaith one so they had prayers for Buddhists, Christians, Catholics, Muslims, etc. As I flipped through the book, I found the following Buddhist prayer:

May all beings everywhere plagued
with sufferings of body and mind
quickly be freed from their illnesses.
May those frightened cease to be afraid,
and may those bound be free.
May the powerless find power,
and may people think of befriending
one another.
May those who find themselves in trackless,
fearful wilderness--
the children, the aged, the unprotected--
be guarded by beneficent celestials,
and may they swiftly attain Buddhahood.

No offense is meant to any of you that aren't Buddhist (honestly, I am not an official Buddhist but I do study the teachings of Buddha) but I give you the above prayer in the hopes that you all stay well and healthy not only physically but mentally.

Thanks for listening. I promise I will try and stay in touch with you more than I have. I've spent the past year creating wonderful friendships with you all and don't want to lose them.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD408161
    LaShonnu, I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother. You both are in my prayers. I know others have said this too but if you need anything, please let us know. Take care. XOXOX Dana
    4549 days ago
    Oh I am so sorry Hon! I will send positive thoughts your way! Thanks for the prayer! I will have you and yours in my prayers!!!! We are here when you need us! Lots of emoticon and emoticon ! Jenny
    4550 days ago
    I can't imagine how you're actually feeling & I won't pretend I can, BUT what I can say is - regardless of what faith a person believes - the above prayer is what all human beings of any faith would pray for themselves & loved ones - for the world. I think it's one of the kewlest things about any faith. Any faith that has harmony and peace within it, some of the words can transcend the boundaries of that actual faith. Hmmm..I don't know if I'm making sense, but I know what I meant to say. I hope it came out that way.

    Nonetheless, your family will remain in my prayers that somehow there will be peace within all of you.

    Love you!
    4550 days ago
    LaShonnu, I am so sorry about your grandmother current condition. I know how helpless you must feel while a loved one is so ill. Please don't feel guilty that you are maintaining your efforts to take care of yourself. I know your grandmother wouldn't have it any other way. You have to keep your strength up in order to spend quality time with her, my dear. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm only a few clicks away if you need a friend or just someone who'll listen. emoticon
    4551 days ago
    I'm very sorry to read your about your Grandmother. I'll be praying for you in hopes that you will find the peace and comfort to help you. Your in a tough spot right now and there is nothing worse then watching someone you love in pain. Peace be with you and please know your in our thoughts!
    4551 days ago
    Oh sweetie! I have tears in my eyes. I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. God bless you and your family. I am also interested in Buddism and the prayer is so beautiful. May it give you strength. I'm sorry that nothing I can say can ease your worries or your pain. Please just know I am here for you if your ever need to talk. Hugs and love Helen xxxx
    4551 days ago
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