Is it just Me????????
Monday, July 28, 2008
I have had a couple of bad days...
Friday, I did not have time to get any exercise in. I was working on a lot of PTA stuff well into the night. So, I broke my streak and was kind of bummed.
Saturday, I got up early, walked for 36 minutes, went to my PTA function, went ice skating with my family and then went out for dinner that night. I did have a big dinner of things I shouldn't have eaten, but it was my treat for staying on task last week.
SUNDAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY... A day I would like to forget. We finished getting Autumn ready for camp. We went to Red Lobster for lunch so she could have a "fabulous" lunch before she has to endure a week of "camp" food. I chose wonderfully and everything was fine. We took Autumn to camp and there is where my day turned south. My mom called to invite Dan, Nick and I to dinner. My niece is in town and she and my sister would be coming over for dinner. For me, there is a lot of baggage with these two. I have had too many years of sadness, heartbreak, anger and frustration at the whims of my sister. And it has trickled down to my niece who I love dearly. Last year when I lost my weight, I had let a lot of things go and my sister was one of them. I was tired of being treated that way and had decided if she could not apologize, that I could no longer forgive and needed to make a break. And I did. But, I did not make a break from her kids (who do not live with her). I still talked to them and saw them when I could. My niece went to live with her father in VA, so seeing her was very limited. When she would come down, I would see her. For spring break, everything changed. She did not call or reply to my texts and decided that she could see this side of the family the last night she was here for a quick dinner. I had found out earlier in the week that she had spent the day with her ex step-aunt. This was very hurtful. When we arrived she had friends in tow. This was the last straw for me. I barely spoke to her I was so hurt. I had taken care of her when her mother could not and this is all the time she could find to spend with me. And then the same this week. She has been here for over a week without so much as a text. Anyway, I debated on whether to go or not and finally decided to go. But, I could not speak to either one. I am soooooooooooo hurt and I do not know how to let it go. I feel that an apology is in order and until I get one, I can't let it go. AND... I can't comfort eat like I used to. So when we got home, I just went to bed without exercising AGAIN!!!!
I have begrudgingly gotten up this morning. I did not get my exercise in, so now I will have to wait til this evening. These are the things that I will let sabotage me. I keep things closed off because I have always been expected to be the strong one. Hell, I had to be the strong one because no one else would be.
I just don't know what to do with this situation...