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Struggling to find our voices...

Friday, August 15, 2008

It is the path of least resistance that makes rivers and men crooked.

- B.J. Palmer, father of chiropractic

FROM HEALTHY REFLECTIONS EMAIL TODAY:
Struggling to find your voice:

In the face of conflict we might be tempted to just go with the flow and not make waves. The path of least resistance is saying "yes" when you want to say "no" and that road is always paved with regrets and mistakes. While compromise is good and a necessary part of healthy relationships, no one should have to fully deny their feelings and remain voiceless while others dominate a situation. It might feel easier to nod your head and passively agree, but in the long run you are being cheated. While there might be a whole list of justifications and excuses for stepping off the path of your principles, staying true to yourself reaps countless more rewards than selling out to appease someone else. Reconcile today the negative passivity you have displayed in the past.

MY TAKE ON THE MATTER:

I was passive in my first marriage. I would do what I was told. I was always like this as a child! I was the people pleaser. Well, with my second marriage I seem to love conflict. Not in a bad way, but I do speak my mind. Sometimes my DH will ask why I'm acting so crazy and I will just say that I wanted to get my point across LOL! I have no problem doing this with my new DH, but with family and friends it gets tough!

I wonder if most "fat" people are people pleasers. Well I think it's time I become the best people pleaser of all and start to please MYSELF! That is my new goal.

I will speak my mind in a kind and loving way.
I will say no when I mean no.
If I change my mind about doing something, I will not feel bad.
I will do what makes ME happy without hurting others.

Will others join me in this goal? Maybe it will help us lose the weight faster!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • TWLITE
    There is never anything wrong with taking care of yourself. And honesty is always the best policy, even with ourselves.
    4586 days ago
  • SQUIRTZIE
    Everybody needs to put themselves first.
    4586 days ago
  • MAXFOCUS
    I too was/am a people pleaser. I've been trying to work that "no" word into my vocabulary. It is slowly starting to stick. You have a wonderful goal to start to please yourself. The action points you have listed are great. I will try to adopt those too.

    Max

    4586 days ago
  • MARVY917
    Ruth, your blog today is incredibly inspiring and affirming to me. Thanks for sharing. I've often wondered how we get to be people pleasers - I'm the dutiful firstborn in my family and I think that has something to do with it.

    If we don't speak our minds (which I am learning to do too), we aren't telling the truth and we end up hurting ourselves.

    I've often confused "speaking the truth in love" with not really speaking the truth at all. Peace at any cost! The cost is too great I've decided...I'm with you on the journey!

    Marilyn
    4586 days ago
  • MAINEROCKS
    I used to be such a people pleaser... it made me a great friend to everyeone except myself. I finally learned to be a great friend and person while still saying no sometimes. I still feel guilty at times but I think I'm a happier person in the end. I'm glad that you are a happier person now too Ruth :-)
    4586 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2991697
    I am definitely with you, Ruth!!! I read that this morning and thought as you did. I have been working on this for the past year and I have gotten a lot better at telling others "No", in a kind way. Since joining SP for "ME" I have asserted myself on numerous occasions when it was my time! And, I make sure my day has time for my exercising.

    It also helps with your relationships ~ just being honest and stating your feelings has helped a lot in my marriage also! I think our husbands appreciate that, deep down. They probably won't admit it, but they want our opinions to be truthful, not just what they want to hear....

    Have a great weekend,
    Kelley
    emoticon emoticon
    4586 days ago
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