I had a bit of a revalation this summer and it is a big part of what finally got me back on track so I want to share it with some of you! I had it somewhere in another post but it didnt seem the right place for it! So here we go....
My friend takes care of schitzophrenic outpatients and some of them are women who cut themself! A couple of them are often suicidal and take street drugs on top of their meds in the hopes of either getting everyones attention or perhaps actually killing themself! These are wonderful women who have had horrible things happen to them in their lives! We try to councel them,try to befriend them and try, sometimes to no avail. to make them realise that they are loveable/likeable and worthy of themself putting effort in to their own lives so that they can be all that they can be! I cry for these girls that they dont always see the potential and the beauty inside of themself! I have to admit also that I sometimes dont quite get it though!
Interestingly enough it is these women who have made me realise what I have been doing to myself! I have started to think of my own over eating and my not caring enough about myself as being very similar to how they treat themselves! I have started to think that although I dont take drugs........and I dont do things that are typically called self injurious behaviours BUT I over eat knowingly and I binge eat knowingly(and secretly)I thought one day...............how does that make me any different from them??? I have caused my body to have high blood pressure,varicose veins,and asthma which are ALL related to my small body not being able to handle the excess weight that I have put on it! That is ...I think...self injurious of me! It made me take a long hard look at why I do this to myself and it made me cry...a lot! I have made a decision that I will never ever again allow myself to fall away from healthy eating for more than one day ! I am not gonna make myself crazy depriving myself of something that I want but If I have a bad eating day.......I get right back on track the next day and I CHOOSE to control those moods and feelings of mine.....instead of letting them control me! Its really making a difference for me! Its not easy! I love to eat! ...and I eat to comfort myself! I actually have a lot more issues than people realise ...I think a lot more than I was even ready to admit that I had! Its truly all about choices and I choose to LIVE and live a healthy life! I might fall away a bit again but I have promised myself that I will catch myself and get back on track before I let it get out of hand! Wooohoo.....its working for me!
I dont necessarily know where anyone else is at in their progress but I want you all to realise that.....YOU ARE ALL SO VERY IMPORTANT IN THIS LIFE! And you all deserve the best that life has to offer you... so go after all that you want every day! Dont ever give up on yourself or the people that you love! Life is too short afterall and you need to make the most of every single moment of it! When you can truly wrap your head around the idea that you are important and that no matter what has happened to you in the past....you deserve good things NOW....maybe then you or we can all start to heal those emotional burdens inside of us and we will no longer need to turn to food as comfort but turn to ourselves and our loved ones!
I wanted to share this with you all for many reasons! Number 1 it keeps me accountable for my own actions ! and number 2 if thinking about something like this can help anyone else to stay on track I will be sooo happy! I wish you much luck whatever you choose to do! Stay strong and be good to yourself! Sending hugs and blessings Tina