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Life is Short --Don't Hold Grudges

Saturday, September 13, 2008



Ever since I had a conversation with someone last night, I’ve been feeling a little resentful toward her. She didn’t want to do something simple I was asking her to do to help me out. I know it wouldn’t have bothered me in the least if she said she didn’t want to do it or if she couldn’t do it and either had a good reason or didn’t say. The reason it bugs me is her reason for not doing it strongly highlighted some of her not-so-admirable personality quirks—things about her that exhibit strangeness of thought and detachment from reality.

Those new resentful feelings take me back in time to about 20 years ago. I did hold a grudge against her back then. It lasted for several years. That time she broke a commitment to help me out at the last minute and I had to scramble to find someone else. As now, the circumstances surrounding her inability to help were strange. I felt betrayed. The anger boiled and festered in me for a long time. I never confronted her about it. I just avoided her as much as I could. I would even leave the room when she entered. Eventually, I got over it. I’ve never really forgiven her, but time has made the emotions surrounding the betrayal a dim memory. I talk and interact with her and enjoy her company now without thinking about it. Once in a while I do think about it though and when I do, I still get a little PO’d.

While the incident 20 years ago was pretty major to me, this time it’s a pretty minor inconvenience. It’s very interesting how it doesn’t take too much to make those resentful feelings rear their ugly heads. I think one reason is that while I know she has these quirks, I am most happy ignoring them. I would like them to go away. I don’t know how to respond to them. They make me uncomfortable. They don’t make sense.

This person is a good person. She has a good heart. She’s generous and never says a bad word about anyone. She is very supportive. She just has these annoying and flabbergasting tendencies. Obviously, that isn’t going to change. Can I accept that?

Neither of us is getting any younger. We both have health conditions that could be life-threatening. It could be over before we know it. It could’ve been over while I was holding that old grudge so long. How silly that wasted time seems now.

I think I have grown in the last 20 years. I know that harboring grudges is unhealthy. I definitely am not looking to add more stress to my life. I know I can let go of this new thing. But can I accept those personality traits I can’t understand? I’m not sure it will be so easy, but I’m going to try. While I’m at it, I think I’ll try forgiveness for that old wound too.

Life is short. Don’t hold grudges.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD3208080
    Nicely worded. You have a talent for writing.
    I think sometimes it is impossible to understand why nice people sometimes act in not-so-nice ways. But if you still enjoy other aspects of the relationship, you have to overlook their faults. You can still like the person without liking everything they do (or don't do). I wonder if she knew how important what you were asking her to do was to you? Would that have made a difference? Too late to worry about it now. Your attitude is very mature and is actually better for you. Stewing over things like this has been shown to be detrimental to a person's health. We can't put people into our molds so it's better just to forget it and move on. But if you're like me, it's hard to forget. . .
    Good luck with your chemo! I'll say a prayer for you.
    Cheri

    4364 days ago
  • no profile photo CD557571
    What a great attitude. And yes, it's nice when we grow up!

    BTW - your picture is gorgeous. The peacefulnes of it is reflected in your blog thoughts.
    4462 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1772548
    I hope you can move forward or move on... GOOD LUCK!
    4463 days ago
  • RAVON27
    Very nice blog. I had a friend in my life that was not contributing to my well being so after 20 years I kept her at a great distance. My life got better and her life also seemed to! Hope you don't let her get the best of you! Have a great weekend.
    4463 days ago
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