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Doubting myself?

Sunday, September 14, 2008

OK, my 20 miler didn't go as planned today. I actually only got through 15. It seemed like everything was going wrong: I didn't have enough water on my second pass around the loop, it was VERY windy (Thank you, IKE), my iPod was bugging me because of the wind, I was hot (actually got sunburned), and I just plain didn't feel like doing it.

Kind of odd, though, I was almost crying during the run - I just didn't feel like I could take another step - I walked a lot of it. It was like I had never run 20 miles without stopping before.

Because I felt so bad - doing 15 miles in the same time it normally takes me to do 18 or so, I stopped. I just couldn't finish it.

Then, I got in my car and drove home. I saw trees down, leaves everywhere - it looked as if there had been a tornado in my neighborhood. Maybe that explains it; 15 miles into a header will wear anyone out. I also was very dehydrated; I weighed myself afterward, and was down 2 pounds; usually my weight is the same after a run.

Now, I'm watching the storm that destroyed Galveston blow trees over. The tree in my neighbor's yard is split in half - it is about 3 feet in diameter. If one side goes, it blocks the street and takes out power lines. If the other side goes, it takes out my covered porch. Will keep all posted about this.

The question is, should I doubt myself because I had a really bad run? Or should I just move on. I've already run 2 20's and have one more to go. My race is 5 weeks from today...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • HOPERY
    Chin up girl! I know how you feel. After all the illness that has hit my house-I can't run without coughing and hacking everywhere. I know the neighbors must wonder if I have emphazema (nope, can't spell that word) You can do it. I've been wondering if you are planning to go to the expo the night before the race?
    4446 days ago
  • THEGARDENCHICK
    I wouldn't get too down on it. We were scheduled for 22 and had stop at 15. It never stopped raining the whole way and then the wind came. 2.5 hours in driving rain 5 weeks out from my first marathon and getting 15 was good for me. We were starting to chafe and blister. Our shoes were so heavy. This weekend we are on for 24 and I expect it to go much better. I have confidence that if you have 2 20's under your belt and a couple weeks to go you will be fine! Good luck!
    4451 days ago
  • SEEHOLZ
    Just move on-- with 2 20 milers down, you're ready to run that race!
    Oh-- I had a similar experiece. My 18-miler turned into 12, because after this huge tree came down, I realized that my safety was at stake, so it wasn't worth to keep going! At least, that's what I told my sane, rational mind! I know I did the right thing, but it messed up my plans...
    Anyhow- keep running!
    4453 days ago
  • JOYINRUNNING08
    I don't blame you one bit for feeling downtrodden.

    If you were one bit pre-occupied or worried about the weather, it will take your great run and eat it up mile by mile. Leaving you spent without getting to your goal.

    And with all that wind, I think it's great that you got as far as you did. Don't beat yourself up too badly. Make other chances and get back on the road. It's the best you can do.

    *prayers for your neighbor's tree*
    4454 days ago
  • 10YEARSTOGETHER
    My friend, my heart frowned something awful when I read this. I can feel the down energy and honestly, with everything going on, it's ok to have a bad run or a run where you didn't have it go as expected. 5 weeks left is a lot to get yourself together, regroup, and charge forward even stronger than before. I am wishing you strength but above all health and safety where you are.

    emoticon
    4455 days ago
  • ELFITZPA
    Definitely move on! I feel anxious when I HAVEN'T had a really bad run (i.e. one I've cut short) during my training. Getting through it - and moving on from it - helps get you mentally prepared for staying strong on race day. You're going to do great! Like you said, you've already run the distance twice and will again.
    4455 days ago
  • JENNIEBEAN
    GOODMAR, DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF!!!!

    i used to be a very active runner too, and i remember those marathon training runs, right down to the crying. you're out there all by yourself, you're taxing your body, you don't feel like doing it, everything seems to be working against you, and to have all of that with an added headwind? fugettaboutit. i remember my first 18-miler. it was hell. i was lonely, my loop took me past all my friends' houses and my then-boyfriend's house, i was remembering hanging out w/ him the night before when we planted all the water/gatorade bottles strategically along the route, and i was emotionally wiped out somehow. i did NOT want to be running. i wanted to be going into those happy houses and spending time with people. i'm a very independent girl, so for me to be overwhelmed with loneliness on a solitary run was really strange. it was a total fluke, but it killed me! i was supposed to do 20 that day, too, and i eked out 18. and felt like a failure.

    DON'T feel like a failure!!! you've completed 2 20-milers. that's HUGE, i'm telling you. before my marathon, i only did that one 18-miler, and i still finished. i don't know if you've run any other marathons, but even just doing ONE 20-mile run will have you in great shape to finish, and you might even bust a PR if you've run one before.

    i know how it feels when you have a crappy run, especially when you're following a regimented training schedule and logging your miles carefully to prepare. but don't let this one yukky run (thanks to Ike) ruin your perspective, and don't let it become more than just a bad run. the long bad runs seem worse because they're, well, longer. you're going to feel a bad 15-miler a lot more than a bad 4-miler. go easy on yourself. you're doing GREAT, and you're gonna finish that race strong, trust me!!!!!
    4455 days ago
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