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Did You Poop?

Sunday, September 28, 2008

There’s a lot to be said for the togetherness shared between man and wife, when they reside jointly in a camper. One can close the bathroom door, but regardless of your efforts, the sounds and smells, resulting from your “other efforts,” tend to permeate and escape through the walls and under the door. You can turn on the faucet while squatting and taking care of business; this will sometimes stifle the noise. You can light a match while doing one’s daily duty (or is it doodie?); this will sometimes mask the stink.

Recently, I emerged from the bathroom and was questioned by James, “Did you poop?” First of all, let me clear the air (so to speak); my hubby is not consumed with my bathroom habits. It’s just that some times, our bodies are in sync and it’s a race to the commode; first one there is guaranteed fresh air. The only advantage of going in second--the throne is warmed up. “Nope, I just fluffed,” I giggled and replied. “But don’t worry, I smell like a petunia!” And this is where hubby smirks, and replies, “Yeah, a dead petunia!”

Many might have found this inquiry somewhat intrusive and perhaps embarrassing, but it led me to do some deep meditation. Two sayings came to mind, when I allowed myself to dwell on the creation process of my stinky floaters/sinkers…

• Get your poop in a scoop.
• Poop or get off the pot.

Since the onset of summer, I’ve been pulled in a million different directions. I fell out of my previously established, healthy routines: balanced eating, regular exercising, ensuring adequate sleep, drinking water (while cutting coffee consumption), tracking my caloric intake, taking my vitamins, setting aside time for myself, weighing myself, and spending time on Sparks. In a nutshell, my life turned poopie and it reeks! I permitted work to take over my existence and threaten my wellbeing. I allowed work to become a priority and put myself at Number 2 (pun intended, kinda, sorta).

There were times here and there that I had declared I was going to get my poop in a scoop. But lo and behold, life got in the way! There I sat, on the pot, suffering from ghost poop--the kind you feel come out, where you go through the motions (and emotions) of wiping, yet nothing is there when you turn around to flush! I was plagued with dingle-berry poop—the kind where you know you are done, but it hangs on and just won’t drop! No wonder I was having problems!! How could I get my poop in a scoop, if it wasn’t there?! So summer moved on, with continued excuses and suffering of irregularity and me not accomplishing much movement. (Yep, a definite play on words, there!)

I have wasted the entire summer, squatted on the toilet, acting constipated!! There I’ve sat, on the commode, ailing from a Lincoln Log jam, a sort of rectal congestion, plugged up, due to bad health choices. Oh sure, I had “successful” moments on the crapper, where I blew off some steam or released some hot air, but I still suffered from “The Strain.” The only thing I was flushing down the sewer pipe was all the good habits I had worked so hard to instill within myself.

Well, no more! I’m here to make a Constipation Proclamation!! I am going to poop and get off the pot! I am getting my poop in a scoop! I am taking my life back! No more wasted time, squatting and squeezing, thinking and stinking, obsessing over work and forgetting about myself!! I avow to re-establish the good habits that I know are good for me!

Maybe I’ll eat a few prunes, just to be sure and to help speed up the process!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's good to see you back!

    Sorry to hear about your pooping problem... my spouse usually recommends trying yogurt and a bran muffin. I've never tried it, since yogurt tends to give me heartburn... but you might find it useful.

    Returning to your previous healthy ways should help, too.
    4535 days ago
  • JOYCEANN1955
    Another fine blog by you! I love your blogs!
    I suggest a large serving of leafy green cooked spinach!

    4535 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1549571
    hi there eddie, try some plums that should work. don,t worry i fell off the wagon too. in up with the yoyo. and i,m tired of it. so we shall move on and get back on the horse instead off falling off the wagon.but i like your write up though interesting indeed. take care and get back in those fruit and veggies and the water. i,ll be joining you. talk to you again soon.
    4535 days ago
    I recommend All-bran.

    Great blog and welcome back. I missed you. I wrote a song for you and posted it on your page months ago. It was pretty good as I recall.

    I've lost 58 pounds. Visit my page!

    4535 days ago
    Good for you Debbie! I have been having some of those same issue. And you have put it so much more elequently than I. Although, instead of prunes I am taking a fiber supplement and now I get to spend less time in the pooper.

    I have missed you on the FFF team. Glad to see you are going to be back.
    4535 days ago
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