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I'm a disaster. I'll admit it. =(

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Before I get to the point where I turn away from Spark completely bc I'm THAT ashamed of myself, I'm getting myself to blog. Because when I blog I put it out there, almost like challenging myself to get out of the nasty funk that I'm in.

I'll try to sum it up:

- hit my GOAL beginning of September!
- mid-September started slipping, not logging food, not exercising as much. But I blogged to get myself to get ON TRACK!

Of course then I have all the excuses in the world for why I didn't get on track:
- Hub started a new job and I had to cut back on working out to get home with the dogs
- went out of town 2 weekends
- got SICK which really screwed me up
- SLAMMED at work with projects
- generally EXHAUSTED

Annnnnd the ultimate excuse to completely fall off the planet:
- I gave up a HORRIBLE addiction and I am in DETOX mode right now. It's been since the weekend and I feel, in a nutshell, like CRAP.
I know it will get easier with each day that goes by, but with this detoxing comes a huge craving for all things bad - soda, candy, sweets, salt. You name it, I want it.

So, please, I'm sorry for not returning messages, comments, hugs. I think about Spark every day, knowing I need to get back. Get in touch with my buddies, keep you posted. But I guess the shame kept me away. And I'm just putting it out there bc I will NOT let this get the best of me. I just needed a few weeks/days to get myself together, shake it off.

To make things worse, I have the Long Beach Half Marathon that I was so excited for and am now so completely nervous about. I'm going to try my best but I don't count on any PRs this time.




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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JC1004
    Gosh, I totally hear you! I have been going through a slump as well, and I'm not even trying to quit smoking. But you know you can get back on track, you did it already! I am getting back on track by doing the Step Out Diabetes walk tomorrow, and I'm going to sign up for the 10K Turkey Trot in Dana Point.

    BTW, have you tried the patch or wellbutrin? It really cuts down on the craving and leads to higher success rate. Wish you the best.
    4517 days ago
  • NORCALMRS
    It's natural to feel this way. It's ok to give yourself a break every now and then. But don't worry, I won't let you slack. 10 mile uphill bike ride...here we come. emoticon emoticon
    4522 days ago
  • DRAGONFLY180
    sorry you are having such a difficult time. have things gotten better since this blog? keep us updated when you get a chance. also, how was your half-mary? hope you are doing well!

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    4523 days ago
  • KCCAT77
    Once again we are in twin mode. I too fell way off the wagon. You can do this. I learned not to take to much on with the internet so I don't get burned out and then stop sparking. You have nothing to be nervous about for your upcoming race. You can do it. Turn things around slowly, don't overwhelm yourself. Think positive and take it one step at a time.
    4524 days ago
  • LANISHA22
    Hello there. Sorry to hear that you're off track. You just remember that you CAN get back on track. You have been such an inspiration to all of us and we are here for you. So, when you're ready, get back up on that horse and go!
    4526 days ago
  • SMURFI
    Oh my gosh, you too? I've been so horrible!! I'm just now crawling back to spark and hoping to shake it off myself. I know what you mean about exhaustion from work! UGH! We can do it....somehow!! One step at a time. Right now I'm also trying to get my blog going again and post in teams again. I know you'll get back, you've been an inspiration to me so I know it's in you for sure!!!! ENJOY the half marathon as a healthy and fun day out, and no matter how you do, you win for how healthy it is for your body!
    4531 days ago
  • HAGHVERDI
    You are going to get out of your slump. Just by blogging like you said it will motivate you to do it.
    I am here if you need me my dear! I am rooting for you.
    You are not alone, I lose 20 pounds and I think WOW!!!! now for the last 2 weeks I have been in a slump.. Surprisingly I have only gained 2 pounds back..
    I didn't run once this week.. and just don't feel like it you know?
    But I plan on getting back to it next week.. maybe start slow. You can do this my friend. Keep your head up!
    4532 days ago
  • _FITNESS*DIVA_
    Hey Darlin!
    Well all I have to say is that this happens to the best of us. We all get off track sometimes b/c I sure did last month. We all have busy lives and its hard to juggle everything and still have time to come on Spark and get back to everyone. Thanx for checking in and letting me know how things are going.

    Good luck on your Halfie this Sunday as I will be doing the Chicago Marathon. I will be cheering for you as I run. hehe

    We can do this!!!! Don't be nervous, you got this one in the bag!
    In the words of the wonderful Jackie Warner,

    "Stay Strong, Stay Focused!!!"

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    4532 days ago
  • MARTHAJBD
    Courageous, Incredible, Strong...
    These are words that I would use to describe you. No matter how hard it was to post this, you did it, and that alone tells me that you are strong enough to continue with your journey.

    "Don't beat yourself up, Gomez, that's my job"
    -Morticia Addams, The Addams Family
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    4532 days ago
  • LILTROUBLE
    You totally can do it. You are human but an amazing human - just remember that! Sometimes we need to slip to realize what we are working toward. Sometimes we slip because life truly is busy and stressful and everything else. You have done terrific and will continue to do terrific.

    and your HM will be great.

    :) Just do it ;)
    4532 days ago
  • SMURFETTE0725
    Darling D! Believe me when I tell you .... WE ALL GET OFF TRACK! Every single one of us! Including me! My month of August was a complete DISASTER, too, but you know what, I picked myself back up had a couple of slipups in September, but finish the month strong and Oct is off to a great start. You will do the same. I know it. I believe in You. But more importantly, YOU believe in You. Chin up. You are Strong. You got this.
    MUCH LOVE FOR YOU!!!
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    4532 days ago
  • KIMMERQU
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    Giving you big hugs girl. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of. We all go through spurts like this. As you can see, you have so many friends here to lend you a shoulder and support you anytime you need it. Chin up, shoes on, and get those endorphins going.
    Kim
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    4532 days ago
  • ZENRUNNING
    After all you have been through and accomplished, have faith in yourself! You WILL pull through this, and based on the number of sparkfriends responding, you have our full support! It hasn't been that long since your other half, you should be fine. Just don't put any high expectations on yourself. Remember how far you have come!

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    4532 days ago
  • SONASMOM
    You are not a disaster! And quitting is a huge challenge...You will do great....Keep up that strong will power =)
    4532 days ago
  • JOYINRUNNING08
    Just keep moving lady, and you'll find yourself on the other side of your down-fall. Because that's all you can do-just keep GOING.

    If it takes daily blogging to remove the shame or the guilt you feel, by all means-go ahead and do it.

    I've been in the same boat before, heck I'll probably join you after my marathon. It'll be a lull and I'll fall back a little and then jump right back on.

    I'll be cheering for you from here!
    4532 days ago
  • no profile photo CD773214
    The most important thing to remember is that no one is perfect, and it's these bumps in the road that remind us of that. Hang on and remember the good days are coming. . .sometimes we're on top, sometimes we're on bottom. But no matter where you are at, you are loved. And that's the best place to be! :-) You have tons of friends on here who care about you, and a great husband! I'm sure you have lots of people in your life who care about you and need you, and they don't care how much you weigh or how much you worked out this week. They love you for being you. Just remember that, and maybe it will help make these hard days a little easier.

    No need to be embarrased. I can guarantee EVERYONE on SP has gone through these times. I know I have NUMEROUS times (and I currently still am!). It's frustrating, but we can always get through it! Just hang on, and I'll hang on with you. There is a bend in the road coming up, I'm sure!

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    4533 days ago
  • CHASINGPAVEMENT
    Hey Friend :)

    Dont worry, you are still on track. Because if you werent, you wouldnt have blogged. I have faith in you and I'm so proud of you for all that you have accomplished. Hang in there.

    *hugs*
    Jenny
    4533 days ago
  • CLIMBNRUN
    Hey chica!
    You are positively still on the journey girlie! You totally have the winning attitude and I know you'll get through this craziness you're going through. I think I never felt worse (initially) than when I was detoxing from sugar, caffeine, etc and completely inundated with responsibilities all at once. Thankfully we have our friends to help pull us back on the wagon and to remind us this is very *normal*! And our good attitudes! You've got this chica! Shake off the worries and fear! Continue to aim high! Stay strong, resilient and determined!!! You can do this!

    4533 days ago
  • BRUIN2
    Chin up! Start doing the things that you can - drink your water, go for walks... you know, the easy ones. Then focus on the next steps!

    Maybe you need a FUN goal for the LB half - what about high fiving at least one volunteer at every water station? Cheering for the spectators?

    Have fun! You can do it!
    4533 days ago
  • GOODMAR
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    I have been worried about you because I haven't seen you around. Now, I know why, and I truly hope you are feeling better about yourself and everything around you. You can get through this and you can get back on track. We all have those moments when we "fall off the wagon" so to speak. The most important thing is that you are aware of what's going on, and you are taking steps to do what you need to do.

    Besides, I need you here with me, cheering me on when I race next weekend.

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    Good luck with your detox thing - I'm sure you will begin to feel better (about everything) very soon.

    Hope to see you feeling better soon!

    Love, molly
    4533 days ago
  • WITTYFLOWER
    This is so brave of you to post this because you are not alone on this journey. It's weird how psychological this is... for me, as soon as others notice that I look great and made comments like... "have you lost weight? you look great!" or "you look so good what have you been doing?" My response to them is, "Thanks and it takes alot of hard work eating clean and working out and it's just not overnight." It has taken me a long time to get to a size 6. For some reason, when I hear these comments, they made me feel happy but then I started to fall off the plan and start to gain weight back. I don't understand how that happens psychologically. I think for me I would rather not hear the comments because it's so much pressure because I feel that everyone is paying attention to me.

    It's not perfect and I think maintaining your health is a lifetime deal. Being honest to ourselves that in order to have our body the way we want it, we have to continue working at it and make it into our lifestyle. Some days are not so good and some days are great, but the days that not good motivate us to do better. Reaching your goal is not the end of the lifestyle, it's the beginning of how we are choosing to live for the rest of our lives. You are doing great and this is only a temporary funk. THIS TOO SHALL PASS and it's normal what you are going through. I think that this will push you to get stronger and better. Go back to what worked before and focus on one thing at a time. I am training for the San Antonio Marathon and it is getting harder. Last week, I was supposed to run 18 miles but only did 14 miles because my feet were hurting and I was so tired by then. I was disappointed in myself and felt the pressure and the frustration. I was really hard on myself, if you know what I mean... then, I realized that hey I just did 14 -- at least I got up and attempted it. I may not meet my goal this week but I will next week. So, I made up my mind that I will do 18 miles this Saturday (even the schedule says 11 miles). My marathon is in November 16, 2008 and I have to keep my focus! You have made it this far and you are facing a few obstacles and setbacks, so what!!! You did it before and you can do it again! As the ol' sayin goes, "Get back on the wagon" and keep going! We are all in this together! We need support, especially during this time of the year! emoticon emoticon
    4533 days ago

    Comment edited on: 10/9/2008 5:54:13 AM
  • SPRING4FAL
    (((((((((((((( HUGS))))))))))) to you my friend!!! I was worried when I hadn't seen you around here for a little bit. You are SOOOOO not alone. I, too, hit a very rocky spot. The tri that I had been training for is off. I am sooo bummed and disappointed. All that work and training and no glory to go with it. I felt depressed, sorry for myself and indulged in food. Now, I am forcing myself to refocus but it isn't easy. I could go on but this is your blog and I want to offer you support not give you my sob story. I guess the point is we all struggle and you are one up on me because I haven't blogged about my struggle. Instead, I kept it to myself and I think that makes it worse. I am glad you shared with us and I know I am only one of many in your corner roooting for you!!!

    Let's get back on track together!!! WE CAN DO THIS....excuses be damned!!! LOL!!! Keep on sparking!!!! We can really do it...together!!!

    Leah
    4533 days ago
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