Love Thyself: an assignment I didn't want to do. . .
Saturday, November 08, 2008
For a weekly team challenge we are supposed to write a blog called Love Thyself. I didn't want to do this one because I've never liked me. I have this really long list of "wish I were. . .", "wanna be's", "if only. . .", "should have", and all other sorts of criticisms. What's really odd is that if I saw a list of my experiences and accomplishments I would say these are good things. But every positive comes with baggage of how it could have been better. Then I don't feel worthy of the accomplishment. When I think about the people I love, I don't dissect everything they do to determine if everything they do is good enough or could have been better--I just love them. I don't know why how I feel about myself is so tied to quality of action--being perfect.
Sometimes I try to figure out who I would rather be of all the people I know, but there is no obvious choice because then I wouldn't have what I have (family, home, etc). I try to decide if I were another person who met me, would I as that other person like someone like me and I don't know.
The good news is that even though I have all these difficulties with who I am, I am happy. I love my life. I get up every day looking forward to the day, and go to bed everynight thankful for everything I have. So even if I don't know how to love myself, I'm loving journey of being me.