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New book I'm reading... plus some other updates

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Monday (yesterday) I went to see a psychologist - our first appointment. I was going to cancel this appointment as I was feeling pretty good about things - work, me, my home life, etc. I mean, I'm back to exercising and eating healthy and that should take of my depression right? Besides I don't always feel depressed - some days, most days - I feel OK. Just OK. Well golly! Was I wrong! Here I am in this man's office and as I'm telling him my story I start to get all choked up. I don't know why - I'm just stating the facts of my life. Obviously I have some very deep feelings about my life and they came out in the form of me crying. Yup - I cried pretty much the whole time! Doesn't help that I just couldn't sleep the night before and I was rather tired.

Well, he told me to read a book called Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz. Apparently written in 1960 and is basically the classic self-help book. I got it from the library and have read a bit of it. Nothing new - stuff I haven't read or heard before in my own self-help readings, so we'll see what it has to say.

Interestingly enough I never consider myself to have a self-esteem issue altho I'm told that:
I am too hard on myself
My expectations of myself are too high

and I have been told by the bf that I do have self-image issues.... and at work I do internalize and take personally a lot - but I mean I am the person doing the work so if it's not up to par that's a reflection on me right?

Well - we'll see what this book has to say and what I learn in these sessions.

Now - as to an update on me... weight is holding steady BUT I did just get my visit from AF so that could be it. I redid my spreadsheet that I use to track my weekly averages and my calorie deficit so I'm using that. It was super handy for me when I lost the weight the first time. I have been able to stay in range all this week and last week it was 5 out of 7 days with a weekly average that is in range....YAY ME!!!

Sunday I couldn't get to sleep - it was 12:00 am before I got to sleep! No way I was going to be able to get up at 5:30 am to workout plus sleep is just as important as exercise so I slept til 6:15 and didn't do my exercise. I was gonna do it that night. Well, with the schedule we have this week what with dr's visits and Brownies and work and teaching class we decided to get the grocery shopping done last night. Got some really good deals - lots of things on sale - and you know it's a sign of the apocalypse when they put beer on sale! No, I didn't get any beer :) By the time we got home, put it all away it was 11 pm! Thankfully I didn't have to get up too early and getting up at 6:15 still allowed me to be able to workout for 30 mins at home. Tonight I got home and did another 40 mins on the et while watching Biggest Loser. What a neat show.

All is good!

Time for bed folks - got to get me and the little one to bed so we can be refreshed for the morning.


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STEWIE10
    Depression is a sneaky little thing. It doesn't always mean we run around moping or wearing black, no? I know exactly what you mean about seeing a specialist and crying through the entire appointment. Cathartic, but draining. Keep it up, I really think talking and crying it all out is the best cure. Phew. Anyhoo, keep fighting the good fight.
    4425 days ago
  • BRUIN2
    Yay for a good day, and for introspection. I hope that the meetings give you some good insight!
    4427 days ago
  • BRUIN2
    Yay for a good day, and for introspection. I hope that the meetings give you some good insight!
    4427 days ago
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