Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Tonight sucks, I hate my husband working third shift and I'm trying not to be a big baby about it but I'm so lonely. To top it off I'm not feeling like I'm getting results on my diet, so dumb since I just started back on it . I'm just depressed tonight and not hungry but I want to eat and make myself feel better. I know what will happen though, I'll eat and as soon as that high is over I'll feel awful and fat.
I feel so ugly and fat tonight. My husband and I have had problems because he use to be obsessed with this image (the swimsuit model type) and now (even though he says hes over that) I still feel like he wants me to look like that. He says hes attracted to both types but I feel like he's lookin at me and thinking I'm fat. I try and try to get over it, whats wrong with me? Why can't I just lose the rest of this weight and be happy?
I started back to school (spring semester at ivy tech) and I'm kinda stressed already. I guess I'm overwhelmed and tired. Everything is happeneing at once and I'm trying not to let it get me down and keep me from my diet. I'm not going to eat tonight though, I did good on calories if I eat I'd feel absolutely awful. Guess I need to go take a hot bath and relax and get some sleep. That helps most times. I wish I didn't have stomach rolls to look at though *sigh* someday I hope.