Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Well I have started my new life style changes and so far so good. I am down 20 pounds a feeling pretty good. But that's not really what I want to talk about so much in this blog.
What I really want to talk about is the nightmare of my food addiction that I have discovered that I have more so now than ever before. I have realized that yes my nutrition tracker shows I am doing great and yeah my fitness tracker is pretty good too but if you could all see my mental note tracker I have going on right now you would be like "OH Good Lord what a Mess". LOL!
I have found my self wanting to eat day in and day out the last few days. No, I have not let myself do, it but OH BOY the want to, it is there and it's strong! Like I told one of my SP friends in a email I sent her today, I know we ALL have our days but for anyone who is fighting a food addiction problem it's a complete and total nightmare for them. Your body is telling you, you are fool but your brain is saying "FEED ME". It's like one of those old Twilight Zone and Alfred Hitchcock horror films we all have watched at some point in our life. It's the BLOB in real life. LOL! I know this may sound crazy to some of you but I guarantee many of you get where I am coming from.
What has stumped me the most is the more I take off in weight and the more I exercise the more I want to eat. I really wasn't hungry when I first started out here. I could have cared less to have put any thing in my mouth all day long and so I had to force myself to eat and to try to get in the calories I needed. Heck I even posted in one of the threads asking for help because I couldn't eat enough to get in what I needed. Now I am down 20 pounds and moving more than I have in the past 10 years of my life and I am here posting a blog because I am now forcing myself to not eat to much food and stay on track. What a vicious circle to try and get healthy. I know that I want this more than anything in the world and that's why I fight the urge. Before I would have said 'OH What the Hell, it's just one day" not now I cant, because for me one day leads into a week, then a month and then two, then a year and so on. So never is there a day that I can honestly give myself a break fully and not worry about it. I know the patterns I have followed in the past and I can't go down that road again and I wont let myself. I am going to face this great smelling, mouth watering, on my mind all the time, Monster of food addiction one way or another. I am going to have beautiful dreams one day of me and my broccoli and Talapia , lowfat cottage cheese and a great big orange slice running down the beach together all healthy and happy with our dogs by our side, you know just like in the movies well minus the food that is. LOL!
Today is the day to take a stand and refuse to let food addiction to take over! Today is the day to put on my war paint and blast those thoughts of maybe just one bite. Today is the day I become the Rambo of food addiction and I let nothing stand in my way of my dreams and what I need in my life to be healthy.
Wish me luck , I'm going to need it, it's a cold dark, place out there but some body's gotta do it. LOL!