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Food Nightmares

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Well I have started my new life style changes and so far so good. I am down 20 pounds a feeling pretty good. But that's not really what I want to talk about so much in this blog.

What I really want to talk about is the nightmare of my food addiction that I have discovered that I have more so now than ever before. I have realized that yes my nutrition tracker shows I am doing great and yeah my fitness tracker is pretty good too but if you could all see my mental note tracker I have going on right now you would be like "OH Good Lord what a Mess". LOL!

I have found my self wanting to eat day in and day out the last few days. No, I have not let myself do, it but OH BOY the want to, it is there and it's strong! Like I told one of my SP friends in a email I sent her today, I know we ALL have our days but for anyone who is fighting a food addiction problem it's a complete and total nightmare for them. Your body is telling you, you are fool but your brain is saying "FEED ME". It's like one of those old Twilight Zone and Alfred Hitchcock horror films we all have watched at some point in our life. It's the BLOB in real life. LOL! I know this may sound crazy to some of you but I guarantee many of you get where I am coming from.

What has stumped me the most is the more I take off in weight and the more I exercise the more I want to eat. I really wasn't hungry when I first started out here. I could have cared less to have put any thing in my mouth all day long and so I had to force myself to eat and to try to get in the calories I needed. Heck I even posted in one of the threads asking for help because I couldn't eat enough to get in what I needed. Now I am down 20 pounds and moving more than I have in the past 10 years of my life and I am here posting a blog because I am now forcing myself to not eat to much food and stay on track. What a vicious circle to try and get healthy. I know that I want this more than anything in the world and that's why I fight the urge. Before I would have said 'OH What the Hell, it's just one day" not now I cant, because for me one day leads into a week, then a month and then two, then a year and so on. So never is there a day that I can honestly give myself a break fully and not worry about it. I know the patterns I have followed in the past and I can't go down that road again and I wont let myself. I am going to face this great smelling, mouth watering, on my mind all the time, Monster of food addiction one way or another. I am going to have beautiful dreams one day of me and my broccoli and Talapia , lowfat cottage cheese and a great big orange slice running down the beach together all healthy and happy with our dogs by our side, you know just like in the movies well minus the food that is. LOL!

Today is the day to take a stand and refuse to let food addiction to take over! Today is the day to put on my war paint and blast those thoughts of maybe just one bite. Today is the day I become the Rambo of food addiction and I let nothing stand in my way of my dreams and what I need in my life to be healthy.

Wish me luck , I'm going to need it, it's a cold dark, place out there but some body's gotta do it. LOL!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • MORNINGSUN52
    You are doing so incredible. stand proud girl! i know what you mean about the hunger pains and the need to feed. This gave me inspiration to get to where you are, to step back and say i don't need to eat that. thank you hopefully it carries over from day to day. Just made myself a GIANT pot of cabbage and veggie soup and when i get those cravings and am to the point i can't control them, that is what i am going to reach for. My goal is to get under 300 by end of Feb (started to say valentines day but that is not realistic.) Thank you for this post, have no idea how much it inspired me. Until now i have been talking about what i need to do but not doing it. This time i am seeting an actual goal. look forward to seeing less of you next time i pop over.
    4290 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1173649
    Whoa, I'm swearing off drippy pancakes.
    I totally get where you are at right now. I am in constant torment of wanting to eat and alot of it is stuffed feelings from my past. My head always says 'Im hungry' even if I just ate an entire meal.
    I love the vision of you running down the beach with your healthy choices. Send me pics ok. emoticon
    4292 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4274730
    Tina, I think that "wanting" to eat is a good thing! That means that your metabolism is going strong! I am feeling the same way right now. I used to be able to go the whole day w/o food. Now I need to eat every few hours. But if you think about it, if your metabolism is really slow, your body is really sluggish, but when the engines are revved up and firing away (i.e. you're increasing your metabolism...) you feel hungry! In any case, I think it is a good sign!
    4293 days ago
  • .DUSTY.
    Hey There Rambo! I totally get it. Sometimes the only thing left to say to ourselves is "just suck it up and do it". I know it's hard and sometimes we just have to take it minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day.
    The good news is that it can be done and there are many, many easier days to go along with the not so easy ones. (Otherwise I think I'd go drown myself in a pool of chocolate, lol!)

    You're doing really awesome girl! emoticon
    4296 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/22/2009 12:29:38 AM
  • SUSIEMT
    Tina, I think what might be happening is that you have stopped stuffing your feelings or anxieties down with food. You may not be aware of what is bothering you and that feeling of hunger is really something else. For many years I thought I was hungry all the time until with the help of a professional I learned how to examine what was going on with me and around me and figured out how to deal with it or make changes. That's when I first experienced a sense of fullness, satisfaction and relief. Yeah that food addiction can be hell. Eating a trigger food may lead to a never ending binge. Enough of that! You are doing so well. I know it is a fight every second of the day.
    4296 days ago
  • INKYINPA
    WOW Tina! YOU GO GIRL!!! I'm soooo proud of you! You are doing amazing! I can totally relate to the nightmare that you write about. It will get easier and little by little your new eating and exercising habits will be become more natural and a part of you that the old way of living, eating, and thinking will go by the way side. Keep on keeping on! You can do this!! HONK! HONK! HONK!!!
    4296 days ago
  • SHRINKIN.LADY
    Tina!

    How great you are doing!

    DO make sure you have adjusted your exercise goals on your START page to reflect the amount of exercise you really are doing - your calorie range on your nutrition page will be adjusted automatically if it has been off. (You may be hungry all the time because of your increased activity!)

    I just totally wish you the best -- you are GLOWING!

    Lisa
    4296 days ago
  • CHARLENEMARTEL
    Way to go! I am so proud of you. What a great entry and I can definitely relate.
    *hugs*
    Char

    4296 days ago
  • SPARKLINGHOPE
    Good going! emoticon I love the pic!

    I am visiting blog pages today and I want to wish you the best with all your health goals! Also sharing some sparkling hope for better moments and days ahead! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4296 days ago
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