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Who's the old lady?!??!

Saturday, February 21, 2009

I'm not a regular Survivor watcher, but I have seen the first few episodes of this season. There is a woman that is older named Sandy. She's tougher than me and quite a character. They refer to her as the old lady and that's how I have been thinking of her. "That old woman". My husband and I were discussing where she might be from. I thought Texas, she reminds me of so many of the women I've met here. My husband says Alabama or Tennessee because of her deep south accent. So I looked her up in order to prove him wrong. Who cares where she is from?

She's the same age as I am.

I've made all the 'old' jokes and I've even done the math. At 53 I know it's more than half over and I'm not really middle-aged. I know I only have X number of good years left. Parts of my body ache but I have a somewhat physical job and I thought that was the reason. But until Sandy I truly never thought of myself as an OLD lady. I'm devastated. It was a really, really bad epiphany. Oprah talks about that ah-ha moment. Believe me when I say not all ah-has are good things. It all happened so fast that I didn't see it coming. Now when a younger man, 40ish, smiles at me I'll know that it's because I remind him of his dear mother. Which reminds me, does MY mother know she is old?

One of the worst realizations of this is that I am married to an OLD man. And the poor old guy won't even know why I'm looking at him funny. He'll just think he is in trouble for something and not know what he did. I can't tell him, I don't want him looking at me in that same way.

Hopefully I'll get over this. They say the memory is the first to go and I must admit to feeling a little foggy now and then. I hope Sandy kicks those young'uns butts and wins a million dollars. Then I really, really want to forget Sandy.

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  • DIPGAL
    I can totally relate to your blog! I am 52. I always think other people are older than me....then when I find out how old they are I realize I am kidding myself. Usually they are younger! Until I gained a bunch of weight and stopped dressing fashionably I was always told that I look so much younger than I am. Now, I have little need to "dress up". I am self-employed and most of my work is done at home or at farmers markets. When I do go out, few things in my closet fit - so I just wear anything that'll cover me. I don't even put on makeup as much as I used to. When I was going to work every day I spent plenty of time looking my best - almost to a fault when I was younger. Most of the time I just think "I don't care". But, I really do care.

    It's kind of a catch-22. I know it's best to dress nicely to feel good about myself. Self-esteem issues are part of the problem of my emotional eating, and by not caring how I look only exacerbates the problem. But, I am not in the financial position to go out and get new clothes that will fit.

    A photo was recently taken of me - it was in a restaurant with my reading glasses on. OMG - did I look OLD! How did this happen???

    On a brighter note, I have added additional things to my "to-do" list to give me more fulfillment. I hope that and working on my "head" will turn some of my self-esteem issues around.

    Thanks for your blog, and thanks for listening to me. It feels good to get it out!
    4300 days ago
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