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Heaving sigh.

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

I just binged. I went out to eat for lunch. I had Moo Goo Gai Pan. I thought it'd be relatively low-cal. I was definitely wrong. I ate an egg roll and all my rice and rice noodles too. I'd planned not to eat for the rest of the day.

I just had two huge bowls of cereal and cookie thing my boyfriend's brother made. I topped out at over 2K cals.

I'm still hungry. I don't want to stop eating. I feel like crap. My stomach is sickly full.

I'm sure I'm eating because I'm bored or bummed, but I can't tell which and I don't feel motivated to stop. Part of me says I've earned it because I did so well last week. It tells me to shrug it off. That real people don't starve themselves all the time.

But I DO want to hit my goal weight. And now I'm gonna gain this week. And I just wish that I had drank water instead. I can still taste the peanut butter puff cereal in my teeth. I desperately want another bowl. I'd have had one too, if Adam hadn't stopped me.

I hate to admit it, but I'm angry he stopped me. It makes me feel like he thinks I'm fat. I know that's not true. This is the thinnest I've been since we've been together, but it made me feel crappy that he interfered in my binging. How awful is that? I've been seeking his help for a year and he tries to help me stop doing something I'm going to regret-- but instead I'm angry with him.

I feel insecure and frustrated. I just want to eat so much that my tummy bulges and I can finally sleep.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Just stop and breathe! You obviously know what you're doing wrong so you know what you need to do to correct it. Remind yourself daily of your goals. So you messed up, big deal, it's over with now move on. I wouldn't recommend the not eating the rest of the day. Even the Spark articles I've read said that after you make the mistake of overeating at one meal that you should continue the rest of your meals for that day on track and NOT to skip! This does more harm than good! Try chewing some sugar free gum if you just ate and are still wanting to eat more. Or brush your teeth and use mouthwash! I hate the taste of food right after brushing and I don't like the feeling of my teeth being dirty.

    Congrats to Adam for interferring. You're not really mad at him, you're really upset with yourself.

    As far as sleep, I have lots of trouble sleeping myself. But I recommend stretching and relaxing before bed with no distractions. Just concentrate on your breathing. It feels good! If you are eating right before bed that could be part of your sleep problem. The body isn't able to get the REM sleep it needs because it's working on digesting food instead.

    You CAN do this Erin!
    4368 days ago
    If it's bedtime, take a Benadryl.

    I so identify. That's happened to me, too. I question whether or not it was the best thing to plan not to eat the rest of the day. Anyway, it's okay. 800cals isn't hard to overcome. emoticon

    You just ran a 5k for the first time. Maybe you felt carb-deprived? That's why I wake up at night sometimes.
    4368 days ago
    Step back. Reach into the place that knows how much you really, truly, desperately desire to reach your goal weight, and then let that thing through. Right now, your body and your emotions are in turmoil and you're not thinking as rationally as you usually would, so don't trust your belly... it's not empty nor does it need to be puffed out so you can sleep. You're not angry with your boy-friend for trying to help you. It's more likely that you're angry with yourself for feeling and acting the way you do and for needing him to be the voice of reason. Breathe. Tomorrow's another day.
    4369 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/29/2009 9:41:26 AM
  • no profile photo CD1632775
    I feel your frustration/annoyance/desire to keep eating. I do not know what's wrong with me this week. I ate 2200 calories Sunday, 1800 Tuesday and 2100 today. I can't really figure out why but I don't want to stop eating. Maybe we can try and do extra cardio this week so we won't gain? I was toying with the idea of working out 5 days this week anyway.... But regardless - don't feel bad! We all have weak willpower days. And I know it annoyed you a little bit but at least your boyfriend stopped you from more cereal. My cat doesn't stop me (and I wish I had someone that did). Tomorrow's a new day - we can both start over. emoticon
    4369 days ago
    Awww I hear you on the feeling like your guy thinks your fat when he says something to interfere.

    I think we all feel like that if someone tries to help us when we ask them to. Deep down we know they're right but it's annoying to be interupted when you were planning on making that bad choice! I know I feel like that sometimes but just try to take a deep breath and back away from the choice. We know they're not saying it because they really think we're fat, it's because they asked us for their help!

    You're definitely not the only one who feels that way though, I've definitely been there so at least it's normal!! :)

    Sorry you've had a cruddy day with eating, but just because you had one bad day doesn't mean you'll gain weight for the week. Just pick yourself back up and start again!! :)
    4369 days ago
    Yay for Adam for being supportive of your goals!

    Remember, food is fuel, not comfort. If you want comfort, go for a walk and spend some "you" time thinking about what's bothering you. Or, snuggle with your honey.

    Or you could distract yourself by doing a workout. Then it's a double positive!

    One day isn't the end of the world. Now you have all the more reason to wake up tomorrow with a new attitude and clean slate.

    Above all else, remember that you can do it! You've done it in the past, and you can do it now! emoticon
    4369 days ago

    Comment edited on: 4/28/2009 8:04:07 PM
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