I am your wall.....
Sunday, May 03, 2009
Ok kids....I'm at my wall. The 70 Lb wall. Some of you know my story, for those that don't, here it is in a nutshell. Three times in my life I have lost 70 Lbs and then gained about 100 back. On those 3 occasions when I had to face my wall I turned around and went home....afraid, frustrated, and beaten.
Today I find myself sitting on the curb contemplating my wall. It would have been wonderful to have lost 71 lbs as of today...but nooooo it was 70 right on the money. I have had to pull every trick in the book to manage these last 10 lbs. My body becomes more defiant with every lb. I guess that is from the last 35 years of torturing it with every diet known to man.
Tomorrow I will get up off the mat and face my wall. I will NOT walk away from this wall. It is my time and I am the master of my fate. William Ernest Henley says it best in his poem "Invictus"
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
My wall only possesses the power that I give it. It is my biggest emotional and psychological hurdle. I must win this battle in order to win the war. Retreating is NOT an option.