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I am your wall.....

Sunday, May 03, 2009

Ok kids....I'm at my wall. The 70 Lb wall. Some of you know my story, for those that don't, here it is in a nutshell. Three times in my life I have lost 70 Lbs and then gained about 100 back. On those 3 occasions when I had to face my wall I turned around and went home....afraid, frustrated, and beaten.

Today I find myself sitting on the curb contemplating my wall. It would have been wonderful to have lost 71 lbs as of today...but nooooo it was 70 right on the money. I have had to pull every trick in the book to manage these last 10 lbs. My body becomes more defiant with every lb. I guess that is from the last 35 years of torturing it with every diet known to man.

Tomorrow I will get up off the mat and face my wall. I will NOT walk away from this wall. It is my time and I am the master of my fate. William Ernest Henley says it best in his poem "Invictus"

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

My wall only possesses the power that I give it. It is my biggest emotional and psychological hurdle. I must win this battle in order to win the war. Retreating is NOT an option.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • .DUSTY.
    Hey there Belinda! Have you thought of actually doing a real wall (rock) climb? Do you have one in your area? You could ask your trainer if he knows. Maybe physically doing something symbolic would help? Find a hill you could hike or like on The Biggest Loser strap 70 lbs. on your body and go for a walk (or use a treadmill) to remind yourself of how far you've come.

    emoticon So stay strong! You CAN do this! emoticon

    4321 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/6/2009 9:52:05 AM
  • SHIRLEYDILLARD
    I'm so glad that you are not just giving up. Take a deep breath, look at what you can change and git 'r done!!
    4324 days ago
  • DAISYDUKES2010
    I know exactly what it feels like... That is what I have been facing too and the more I get frustrated , angry, sad about it the more my number is going to stay the same ... so let's just live healthy, we know what are the right choices and quit dwelling on numbers so much... stress keeps weight on... so if you will ....I will quit stressing about it.
    4324 days ago
  • PAIGE367
    You're a WALL BUSTER!!!!! Go Belinda, Go Belinda, Go Belinda.....Bust on through.....great things are waiting for you on the other side. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS. You're my inspiration. I can't WAIT for the day I can say...I've lost 70 pounds and I'm strong and beautiful, just like Belinda.
    4324 days ago
  • ANNBELL08
    Smash through that wall Belinda well done you seem to be in the right place at the moment it all lays before you and you will have a new number on the scales to look forward to emoticon
    4325 days ago
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