Wednesday, May 06, 2009
This past weekend my husband and I went to Vegas to bowl in a tournament with our league. Of course all of our friends were taking pictures. I know that I have gained a lot of weight the past year but I dont think I ever admitted how bad it was until the other night. The reality of my size and what I really look like now was right there in all the pictures my friends had taken. I am now the fat friend of our group. I have to face the fact that I am huge and I have a good 75 pounds to lose. I have been having a problem exercising because of a problem with my sciatica which has been causing some really bad pain which is worse when I walk. Ive been having to sleep flat on my back the past 5 weeks. To make matters worse I was just diagnosed with a thyroid problem and now have to take a synthetic thyroid replacement. Hopefully that will help with how tired I am all the time. If I could just have some energy and not feel so exhausted and hopeless maybe I will be able to stick to an exercise plan. I guess I just need to find a way to accept that this is where I am and find a way to move forward. My self esteem is so low right now and beating myself up the way I have the past couple of days is only making matters worse. I need to find a way to be more positive and to give myself some hope. I need to find a way to love myself again.