Wednesday, May 06, 2009
I knew when I started this journey that there would be setbacks. Tonight I think I hit my first big one. I’m home alone this week bc my husband is away for work, and after I ate my sensible dinner of salad, gazpacho, and a little tofu and sweet potato curry (since he’s gone I can eat all the weird food I want!), I wasn’t even hungry, but I went to the pantry and pulled out the leftover easter candy that has been sitting there untouched for weeks. I know I didn’t actually forget it was there, but it hadn’t even occurred to me to eat it, bc I haven’t wanted it. But tonight I scarfed down 3 cadbury eggs and a bag of mini eggs. WTF??? I wasn’t even hungry!!! And now I feel disgusting! Why did I eat this crap?
STRESSSSSSSS!!! I left town last Friday to go home for the marathon relay in Pittsburgh, and I got a call from my boss telling me that our group at work had been pretty much decimated and we’re all moved to new teams. Without the gory details, I have been miserable for months at work, and this is even worse. I have almost cried at work every day. I really need to find something new, but there just isn’t much out there. I haven’t really been able to deal with all this stress because since my husband is out of town, I don’t really get to talk to him for more than a few minutes at a time. I also have not been running bc my legs are a little sore. BUT THESE ARE NOT EXCUSES!!! It is imperative that I find ways to deal with my stress that do not involve consuming 700 freaking unnecessary calories. For gods sake I almost cried last night bc I forgot to DVR American Idol!! This is not healthy!
So I need a plan. First, the rest of the candy is in the garbage. I can’t have that stuff in the house, or I WILL eventually eat it. Tonight I am going to go to bed early and relax. I will play with my dogs, because they always make me feel better. And tomorrow I will wake up at 4:30 and run, like I usually do. And while I am at work, I will remind myself that while the situation is less than ideal, I still have a job. I know that 700 calories is not going to ruin all the work I have been putting into this. I will learn from this setback and move forward.
Besides all this, the marathon relay went ok. I had an asthma attack for the first time in like 8 years, which kind of sucked, but I finished my leg of the race, even though I had to walk a bit more than I would have liked. I think it was a combination of anxiety that we wouldn’t finish in time (the relay was very disorganized, and we ended up starting almost an hour late bc two people were scheduled to run the second leg so no one started the race!), the colder air, and the fact that I was around a lot of people who were smoking, which I’m not really used to being around. Oh well. We finished, and I think I did pretty well, all things considered.
I’m going to clean the kitchen and then play with the dogs. I hope that this won’t happen again, but the only way for that to be possible is for me to REMEMBER how DISGUSTING I feel right now. Ugh!