A butterfly emerged from its cocoon and it is ME!
Sunday, May 31, 2009
I had something very dramatic happen to me today and it was completely out of the blue...I never saw this one coming. Now, please keep in mind that I am not a total Jesus freak that wants to shove it down people's throat. I was born, baptized, raised, confirmed and ultimately became a member of the Methodist church. I always attended church like you were supposed to do and dutifully turned to page whatever in the hymnal, followed along in the church bulletin awaiting for the benediction that seemed to never come. I just wasn't feeling it and Jim and I totally quit going.
I am a VERY spiritual person and NO ONE can EVER EVER talk me out ofthe belief of life eternal. My belief goes that deep and Jim is the same way only more than I. He was raised Southern Baptist and therefore was completely turned off by church.
In this past year my mom passed away from the complications that breast cancer eventually leaves you with. Our grandson (grandchild #2) was born at Elmendorf AFB in Anchorage, AK and therefore our Air Force son was unable to make it to his grandma's funeral. One week later yet another precious grandson was born (grandchild #3). We know that Mom was the first to meet our grandchildren even before they were born. I mention these events only because of how emotionally draining they all were.
Jim and I moved away from the small town that I was born and raised last summer to a bigger city much much closer to our place of employment. We built a new house that we feeling so very blessed to have. This leads me to the main point...Jim and I found a new church and it is lets say Methodist Lite (Wesleyan). It is a contemporary church with a live band and a pastor that is very easy to understand and heck, you can come as you are and they serve coffee and you can take it to the service (little things, I know). The past few months I have actually LOOKED FORWARD to attending church. Today it happened.
Let me first say that I have had some awful habits in my life that I am learning to shed one by one and so far have been successful. There is one huge catalyst that is making this miracle happen...SparkPeople. I am not trying to be overdramatic...just honest with you...very honest. I used Spark in the past when I joined in 2007 but that was purely for superficial reasons. One month ago after starting to attend our new church, I decided that since I am starting to truly find myself I received this strong desire to take care of ME, I started SparkPeople and very seriously this time.
My life is changing and I can see it in my smile and in the brightness in my face and I can see it in my happiness with myself. I honestly have never felt this way before. This morning Jim and I attended church and as the service progressed I was feeling this lightness that is very difficult to describe. It was a purely peaceful feeling. As I write this, I am feeling the tears well in my eyes. We experienced Communion for the first time at Heritage and it was during that moment it happened...BOOM! The tears flowed and didn't know what was happening...all I know I felt the true love of God for the first time ever in my 50 years on earth. I had to grab my husband's arm in order to stable myself and he knew I was having my "come to Jesus" moment.
Folks, please know that I am not a religious zealot and I don't publicly talk of religion often. With that said, I would like to shout it from the mountaintops that I feel alive...MY BUTTERFLY HAS EMERGED FROM ITS COCOON!