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Losing the Weight and Finding Me

Monday, June 01, 2009

Hi Spark Friends,

I wanted to share some of my most recent discoveries in my lifestyle change process. I feel like this process is so much more then just the weight loss. It has really made me discover who I am. I never took the time to learn as much about me as I would take to learn about a friend or even a co worker. For the first time I am learning about who I am.

First of all before I get in to that I want to share with you that I weighed in today and am down 2 pounds this week. emoticon I could not believe my eyes!! I have been at a complete stand still for weeks! I was sure it would be a no loss again this week and I was PLEASANTLY surprised!! That is huge for me because it puts me one pound away from my goal! YAY!! I am soooo excited!! I was starting to think I was never going to see the scale move again!LOL

Okay so back to my discoveries. I have learned so much about myself as a result of my change to a healthy life style. First of all, I believe I was overweight because I was so unhappy and so unhappy because I was so over weight. Sounds crazy I know, but since losing 56 pounds I have done a lot of soul searching. I have learned a lot of things about healthy choices, healthy foods, the importance of exercise and also the importance of taking care of me. I was such an emotional eater and the more weight I gained the more hopeless I felt about losing it. So I just ate more.

Now, I see that the issues behind the weight were harder to deal with then losing the weight. I think if we are emotionally not in a good place we are also physically not in a good place. The great thing is that now that I am healthier physically, I am also healthier emotionally. For me all the extra weight lead me in to more emotional turmoil. Such as emotional eating, very low self esteem, feeling unworthy, feeling terrible both physically and emotionally. So when I felt so bad about myself I treated myself like a garbage can and threw trash in my body. Tons of calories, saturated fats, bad carbs etc. Now that I feel good about myself, I want to treat myself better and put only the best in my body.

For me when I was so miserably overweight, I did not feel like I was worth the effort to do what it took to become healthy. I always felt like I would fail as I had many times 2 or 3 days in to an attempt to lose weight. Why bother I thought, everyone who knows me knows I am obese so then I'd feel bad about being obese and eat those emotions. It was an emotional and physical roller coaster.

What I have learned is that I WAS and AM worth the effort it took for me to drop the weight. I do not miss feeling so heavy, feeling so bad about myself, feeling like I belong in the background. Feeling so stuffed with garbage. I love feeling good about myself, feeling proud of myself, feeling worthy, feeling happy and like I belong anywhere I am. I lost weight and in this process I found myself. I know now I can do anything I put my mind to. I learned to like myself, care about myself and with that came such a huge positive burst of emotional well being. My entire attitude is different now then when I was so overweight. I can accept a compliment now whereas before I never could because I felt so bad about myself. When we lose weight we also lose so many bad things that we chose to live with for way to long.

Saying I have discovered me doesn't sound like much, but it is HUGE!! Just like carrying all the extra weight and keeping the bad habits and living in denial and having low self esteem all went hand in hand. Being healthy goes hand in hand with feeling good about yourself, pride, energy, being fit, and a positive attitude. It is way better to be healthy trust me!

I now know who I am and I know that it is so important to take care of myself because nobody can do that but me. I know if I am going to live a long healthy life I need to do my part and take care of my body by exercising and eating healthy. I like this new person so much better then the old unhappy over weight ashamed one I was when I started out. I am proud of myself for my accomplishments and I want all my spark friends and everyone who took their first step by coming to this site to feel these wonderful things that come with living a healthy lifestyle. So please if you stumble, get up! Do NOT give up. You will love all the wonderful things that come as a kind of bonus when you lose the weight. They are AMAZING!

We have so many wonderful people here and so many awesome tools to help us through the process. Take advantage of it and DO what you came here for! I am rooting for each and everyone of you to reach your goals. I truly believe that where there is a WILL there is a WAY! You clearly have the will because you are here. The way is here too. Use it all and accomplish your goals. You CAN do this!!

Have a great week everyone.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    You are truly an inspiration, Sparky!
    Not just the amazing feat of losing so much weight, emoticon
    which is phenomenal,
    but thinking through all these changes, emoticon
    putting it into words so beautifully,
    and sharing it with us!
    I want to get where you are.
    Thank you so much!
    4162 days ago
    I have noticed this about my own journey! It is such an eye opener. It's like I am finally beginning to know myself, when before, I would hide everything under stacks of junk food. So wonderful!
    4182 days ago
    This makes such good sense! Thank you for posting your thoughts and feelings. Very transparennt....deep...what it takes to really help others (and ourselves) get to the root of things! Keep up the good work!!! SO HAPPY you were able to find and recapture the one and only YOU.
    4187 days ago
  • -CHERYL-
    Oh thank you for writing just where I am right now. I am discovering too. WOW, you learned to love the Donna I absolutely adore!! Way to go!!!
    4189 days ago
  • LISA1316
    emoticon on finding the wonderful beautiful person that you are. What a great blog...Thank u for sharing ur story with all of us. Love u bunches!

    4189 days ago
    You blog is just what I needed today. I've not been doing well with my food choices lately and I found you blog just as I was about to fight my dog for his cookies. He got to eat his cookie and I got to eat yogurt. You are such an inspiration and I will read this blog when I need some help. HELP!
    4190 days ago
    You have done so well and look great Donna! I know I am inspired by you, You are a truly beautiful person inside and outside.
    4191 days ago
    Very good ! Thanks for sharing.
    4191 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4228914
    ..."Being healthy goes hand in hand with feeling good about yourself, pride, energy, being fit, and a positive attitude"...

    While the love of my life was dying and I was feeding myself everything in front of me, she tried to beat that into my brain. It wasn't until a year or so after her death that I realized that if I indeed wanted to feel better about my myself, I had to do what you've outlined here.

    I knew that it wasn't going to happen overnight or even in a month or two. I also know that the accomplishments that I have had must be maintained. Being vigilant and continuing the process and growing the good feeling I have and sharing it with others as you have here.

    Best wishes for continued success!

    4192 days ago
  • BO42SOX
    Im so happy for you-weight loss,really discovering who we are. Theres peace within ourselves when we can find answers-God Bless-Kathleen
    4192 days ago
    Great insight. Thanks for sharing!!! Good luck on your continued journey of self discovery.
    4192 days ago
    You're right. This is not just a journey to a healthier weight. It's one of self-discovery! Congratulations on this insight, and best wishes as you continue the journey. It's not always easy, but it is always worth it!
    4192 days ago
    Thanks for this very inspirational blog! And congrats to you on losing 2 lbs!

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    4192 days ago
    There is so much more to lising wt. then a lower number on the scale. You are in a recovery program..recovery from eating in an unhealthy way and from your low self esteem. You betcha your'e worth the effort. You are a beautiful person both inside and out! emoticon
    4192 days ago
    great blog! there's so much more to losing weight than the physical of eating right and working out. it's also emotional and mental. I'm glad you were able to discover YOU in the process...looks like she's a keeper! Keep up the good work and looking forward to seeing you hit that big ONE!! Give a shout when it happens and i'll be here to celebrate!

    spark emoticon

    4192 days ago
    as usual a great blog. It makes me want to look at myself deeper. Thanks
    4192 days ago
    Your blogs are always so dense with powerful life affirming information and good wishes. You are an amazing woman. I'm so glad you are in a position to know that now. It lets everyone in your life love you even more. I'm so very grateful to have found you on my journey. I know you'll be crossing your goal line soon. I'm the one yelling her head off congratulating you.
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    4192 days ago
    Thank you so much for the inspirational blog. I can relate to so much of what you're saying. You are a true inspiration. There's an old Chinese proverb that I read a while back that says something like "Fall 7 times, get up 8". I thought of that as I read the end of your blog. It's so true. The strength that I've found that lets me get up that 'one last time'... each time I need it has surprised me and, yet, it seems, at times, it's the motivation I need to keep trying again.
    4192 days ago
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