People who hurt us . . .
Friday, July 10, 2009
Why do people hurt us? This question has been weighing heavy on my mind for several weeks. I have several people in my life who have hurt me immensely. It's been on my mind constantly and I have just been getting angrier and angrier.
I finally started chatting about it on the message boards and decided it was time to start contacting the people who have hurt me. What I learned was very eye opening.
People's responses varied and actually coincided with their personalities. One friend was truly sorry she hurt me and said that she failed me as a friend. She wanted another change to be my friend but understood if I never wanted to speak to her again. Because of her response I was able to forgive her and move on. Today we are stronger friends.
The other friend had a totally different response. Her opening line said it all, "I am sorry that you feel that way, but . . . . . "and the proceeded to tell me all the things I did wrong - and mind you, this was regarding her lack of sympathy when my father died. In retrospect, her response doesn't surprise me because it is in line with how she goes through life.
Do people hurt us on purpose? I think there are a few people out there who do set out to undermine us and intentionally hurt us. But, for the most part I don't think people really set out to hurt us. I think there are people, like me, who are very intune with the emotional side of life. People who can pick up on the slighest look, change in voice, etc...and immediately know something is not right with someone and ask them about it.
And there are people who are just not that way. They are either so focused in their own world or just not intune with what is happening around them, that they don't think to reach out. It just never occurs to them.
So, how does someone like me who is so intune with emotions co-exisit with people who aren't? Well . . . .I think the first step is taking the example of my first friend . . . . trying to live our lives by reaching out, being kind and helping others. If we fail along the way and hurt someone, don't make excuses or spin the situation around. Simpley say, I hurt you and I am sorry. I hope you will forgive me and give me another chance.