confession & reality check
Thursday, July 30, 2009
okay, so when i say that i fell off the wagon, it's more like falling off the wagon, tumbling down a cliff and nearly drowning in water below....
i had "done it" - or SO close to my goals that i was almost satified with what i had accomplished.....BIG MISTAKE!! in a year and a half, i had gone from a size 16/18 and made it into a size 6 comfortably!! i was ECSTATIC to say the least!! of course, had to go get new clothes that would fit me, and got rid of 90% of the clothes that were too big......problem is that i'm now wearing the 10% of clothes that i hadn't yet gotten rid of.
i hate to have excuses, because i know that i should have somehow been able to control how i reacted to things happening in my life. several things over the past 2-3 months have had me in such a "bad place" mentally & emotionally that i took it out on myself by eating way too much of the things i know i shouldn't and not going to the gym. deadly combination. fortunately, it looks as though one aspect in my life is turning around for the better. i've been much happier lately, and hope that it continues. now if i could only go back to the job that i love full-time, i wouldn't have the financial stress that remains.
also, things lately have made me realize how goal-oriented i really am.....from the beginning of the year i had the goal to work as hard as i could and look the best that i could to be in my friend's wedding in May. the week of her wedding was when i hit my "all-time low" in weight and measurements ( i had to have the bridesmaids dress taken in twice!!). i felt great then and was happier with my physical being than i have in decades......
then came the complacency - coupled with stressors in my life, well, you know what happened next
well, i guess it's not all bad....i had accomplished losing 50 lbs and i'm very proud of myself for that. but now i have gained back 17. that's a lot, especially on someone who is only 5'-2". it could be worse, i suppose, but i'm not going to let it. i've worked way too hard to let it all slip away. i did it once and i will do it again. but i need a "goal" - otherwise it always gets pushed back 'cuz i can always "do better tomorrow". there's no more "tomorrows", it starts again today. my 40th birthday is in october. that in itself is important enough to me and i want to do it for me. but just yesterday, by BF asked me to keep the week of my b-day "open" schedule-wise. he won't tell me why, i have an idea of what it might be, but whatever it is, i want to look and feel the best that i can.
there's no magic formula to all of this - each one of us is a little different. but what i do know is that if we can all encourage each other to keep going and we make an honest effort, we can make our goals. i truly value the friends that i have here on SP and couldn't have done what i have so far with you. and for that, i thank you!!