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confession & reality check

Thursday, July 30, 2009

okay, so when i say that i fell off the wagon, it's more like falling off the wagon, tumbling down a cliff and nearly drowning in water below....

i had "done it" - or SO close to my goals that i was almost satified with what i had accomplished.....BIG MISTAKE!! in a year and a half, i had gone from a size 16/18 and made it into a size 6 comfortably!! i was ECSTATIC to say the least!! of course, had to go get new clothes that would fit me, and got rid of 90% of the clothes that were too big......problem is that i'm now wearing the 10% of clothes that i hadn't yet gotten rid of.

i hate to have excuses, because i know that i should have somehow been able to control how i reacted to things happening in my life. several things over the past 2-3 months have had me in such a "bad place" mentally & emotionally that i took it out on myself by eating way too much of the things i know i shouldn't and not going to the gym. deadly combination. fortunately, it looks as though one aspect in my life is turning around for the better. i've been much happier lately, and hope that it continues. now if i could only go back to the job that i love full-time, i wouldn't have the financial stress that remains.

also, things lately have made me realize how goal-oriented i really am.....from the beginning of the year i had the goal to work as hard as i could and look the best that i could to be in my friend's wedding in May. the week of her wedding was when i hit my "all-time low" in weight and measurements ( i had to have the bridesmaids dress taken in twice!!). i felt great then and was happier with my physical being than i have in decades......
then came the complacency - coupled with stressors in my life, well, you know what happened next

well, i guess it's not all bad....i had accomplished losing 50 lbs and i'm very proud of myself for that. but now i have gained back 17. that's a lot, especially on someone who is only 5'-2". it could be worse, i suppose, but i'm not going to let it. i've worked way too hard to let it all slip away. i did it once and i will do it again. but i need a "goal" - otherwise it always gets pushed back 'cuz i can always "do better tomorrow". there's no more "tomorrows", it starts again today. my 40th birthday is in october. that in itself is important enough to me and i want to do it for me. but just yesterday, by BF asked me to keep the week of my b-day "open" schedule-wise. he won't tell me why, i have an idea of what it might be, but whatever it is, i want to look and feel the best that i can.

there's no magic formula to all of this - each one of us is a little different. but what i do know is that if we can all encourage each other to keep going and we make an honest effort, we can make our goals. i truly value the friends that i have here on SP and couldn't have done what i have so far with you. and for that, i thank you!!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi Tammie, It's been a LONG time! I've just been reading through some of my SP Friends pages and came across your blog. Sorry you've been having a rough time lately but it sounds like things are picking back up. The entire time I was reading your blog, I was thinking... "okay....this is good... nope, this is great.." and NOT because you were having a hard time and gained a few pounds back, but because you are totally AWARE of it and making changes for YOURSELF to change it back. THAT is where it's all good, nope, it's GREAT. I think we all fall off.... I have too...for reasons life dishes us but we're all drawn back to our SP family and support and I've just grown to love it. You hang in there and get back on the wagon. By the way, your May picture is AWESOME! You've done fantastic.
    4088 days ago
    Hi Tammie,

    Good to see you are back. Don't worry, YOU have the drive to get right back to where you were in the weight department. You'ev done wonderfully before & will do it again I have no doubt!
    4105 days ago
  • MATT177
    Hey Tammie! I know how you are feeling right now. I have had many times where I reached my goals and have become complacent and had major setbacks. Since I've gotten into Sparkpeople I have chosen to take on the mantra of "No Day But Today" from my favorite musical "RENT." It has served me well and is a constant reminder to me to be true to myself and focus on taking care of my body TODAY because tomorrow is no guarantee! I know that you will get back on track because you have already proven that you can do it. Remember that your sparkfriends are behind you and here for encouragement whenever you need it! emoticon
    4108 days ago
    I feel for you and I'm write there with u! Except, I may be drowning (I can't swim!) LOL

    I dropped 40 lbs in 2007, then gave up, got the lazy attitude and every old habit right back. I have managed to find 30 lbs BACK. I too, had disposed of all my "fat clothes" never needing them again. I have been wearing the few items that I have left and they continue to get tighter & tighter every day. But that is changing.

    We CAN do this. I believe in you!!
    4109 days ago
    i had a similar experience. i went from being 320 to 250 over a period of about 2 years. but then i put back on 30 pounds in a period of 1 year. i fell off the cliff too!....lol!

    but at least i'm not back where i was and i'm not going back. so i'm just like you....re-evaluating things and getting things back together.

    we can work together to get it done. you can make it and i can make it too! take it one day at a time.
    4109 days ago
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