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(insert sensational title here...)

Friday, July 31, 2009

the title was for you Dusty!! LOL...I'm such a stinker sometimes! :-)

I have been looking at my behavior and have come to the conclusion that I am allowing life to be a parade. I sit on the sidelines and watch life go by anxiously awaiting the time when I'll get to my goal weight so that I too can be in the parade...actually DOING those things I enjoy and going those places I want to go instead of just watching others...and wishing.....and thinking......someday....

I have always considered myself a strong person but when it comes to the whole weight thing I think I'm more "little girl lost" than a courageous woman. don't think for a minute that I don't find this extremely irritating. I have been blessed with meeting some amazing people here on sparkpeople. I have seen people step out of their comfort zone and face their fears, take on challenges, reach new heights, and sometimes...yes...try something only to be disappointed. Even with the disappointments I never heard anyone complain that they wished they hadn't tried. All the while I stood on the sidelines and tried to cheer them on...secretly wishing I could do the same.

I will give myself credit for joining the gym and hiring the personal trainer. It took a lot of sacrifice to make that happen and am thrilled that I have the opportunity. He made me realize not long ago that I have no idea what my capabilities are.. and that I have to trust him. What? me give up control? hmmmm Now THAT is a novel concept! Seriously though, it is true, he has "made" me do things that I never would have attempted before. Don't think for a minute that I don't have a healthy fear of trying things that I don't have the confidence that I can accomplish ...but wow what a feeling when I survive! That's right..survival is considered success...LOL .I'm not pretending that I'm perfect at everything that I'm asked to do but just getting past the fear was such a huge thing for me. After consistently attempting harder things they got easier and thus the bar was raised again. You gotta love people who can coax you out of your comfort zone. It's scary...but what a victory.

Back to the parade. I am becoming more confident at the gym and taking risks. I think it is time I take my "gym confidence and risk taking mentality" out into the world. I know realistically there are things I still cannot do because of my size. That's ok. There are plenty of things that I avoid for no other reason than fear of ridicule. I'm not really sure when I let "little girl lost" take over...but I think it is time I find a nice safe place to keep her while I join the parade. I am so much happier when I'm out and about....doing those things I love to do. Another upside is that I really don't get into much trouble nutritionally until I'm home alone. Lastly, I really do believe that if I am ridiculed...apart from being sure I will be devastated, I know there are sparkpeople who will lift me back onto my feet, soothe my wounds, and gently lead me back out into the light again.

Here I go.....I am woman...hear me roar! :-)

Peace, Love, and no parade candy for me!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • .DUSTY.
    Great Blog Belinda! This is so true, "never have heard anyone complain that they wished they hadn't tried."

    YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE IT!! emoticon
    LOL @ "Sensational Title!"
    4221 days ago
  • HONEYBEAR1461
    It is brave to take the first steps, like going to the gym and finding a trainer. I agree though that we often feel like a little girl lost and unfortunately that is because society has made us feel like we are less than others only because of our size. We ARE courageous woman and we need to know that and learn to believe in ourselves.

    Together we can do this and we WILL win the battle of the bulge.

    Jennylee
    4232 days ago
  • NATURALSOAPGIRL
    Awesome attitude, Belinda! Good for you for stepping up and taking control of YOUR life. Cuz that's what this is. Your life. Not your neighbor, not the guy standing on the corner, not the skinny girl staring at you as you walk by - it's your life and you have every right to stand up and be the best you that you can be right now. I know you can do this! Grab a baton and jump into the parade (or grab an instrument if that makes you feel better!). Either way - join in the game of life once and for all cuz you won't regret it! Go girl!!!!

    emoticon
    4232 days ago
  • PAIGE367
    ummmm excuse me but you ARE a COURAGOUS WOMAN!!! How many people do you know outside of spark who try and try and try at something and never give up even in the face of adversity. How many people do you know encourage others with thier positive attitude WITHOUT fail. How many people do you know do something most overweight people are terrified of which is going to a gym with a trainer? Even STARTING this journey takes some serious courage!!! As for the rest, it will come when it's the right time. You give yourself credit and I give you credit. Keep on girl....the parade will sweep you up and away before you know it.
    4232 days ago
  • ANNBELL08
    I am really pleased for you it takes a lot of courage to go out in to hostile territory now you have decided to go plan what you are going to do and when what is going to be the first thing you do. Once you do it the next time will be easier i will be expecting a full report good luck emoticon
    4233 days ago
  • DAISYDUKES2010
    Loved it !
    4233 days ago
  • SHIRLEYDILLARD
    Go, girl, go!!
    4233 days ago
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