Not a single bit of motivation in me.
Sunday, August 09, 2009
I hate the way I look! I hate everything about the way I look. Don't get me wrong, I love me, but I hate the outside of me. I feel so disgusting! I get out of the shower and I put a towel around me so I don't have to see myself in the mirror. There is nothing that I find attractive about myself. NOTHING! I hate my hair, my skin, my arms, legs, feet, hands, and don't even get me started on my gross gross gross stomach! ICK!
I'm only 33 and I look like I'm 43. I know I need to do something. I know WHAT I need to do, but I can't do it. Every Single Day I wake up and I say, today is going to be the day. If you notice I say Every Single Day it's because I never ever ever stick to anything. I have purchased every workout video/program that's been on tv. I've belonged to the gym, weight watchers, ediets, and finally here at Sparkpeople. I have just gotten into that frame of mind that I'm always going to be fat, just like my family. Everyone in my family was skinny when they were younger. (Much more skinny than I ever was.) Then as they all got older they all got fat. I don't mean a few pounds over weight. I mean FAT! A good 50+ pounds overweight. I'm already at 40 over!
I just don't know what to do. How can I cry everyday about the way I look but turn around and not be able to follow through with anything? I'm not a weak person. I know I'm not. I have will power in there somewhere. Hell I quit smoking after smoking a pack and a half a day for 10 years. I just finished a pack one day and never bought another one. That was 13 years ago!!! Surely that's harder. Well maybe not. Cigs I can just not buy. Food is always here. Always! The thing is, we don't have junk in the house. We don't buy cookies, chips, candies, etc. This should be much easier than I'm making it.
Okay, sorry for the pitty party! I just want to wake up some day and not cringe at the thought of my body.