So since I have come back, I thought about just leaving my weight loss progress bar at 231.4 lbs to show where I was when I left and what my lowest weight was. But, today I was pondering if that was really the right thing to do. I mean, was I not changing it because I wanted to show where I once was, or was it really because I didn’t want to see the weight I was now and show that I had let myself down every time I logged into Spark People? I think it was more so the second one.
“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.” MARY PICKFORD
I hate seeing this graph...
Obviously, I made the change and updated my weight to reflect that I was now back at 251.4 pounds. While I am not okay with the fact that I have allowed myself to gain 20 pounds back, I am okay with knowing that I am going to be, once again working towards a goal. After all, the point of Spark and the community is not to try to hide our mistakes and the bad choices that we make. But rather share ourselves with one another and to learn from our own mistakes and become stronger, healthier people because of it.
So, I got out my box (marked to be opened as soon I moved in) and unpacked my Zune music player, my water hydration bag and my Polar heart rate monitor. I loaded up my bike and drove to a local park to scout out the local new-to-me bicycle path. I equipped myself with the above said items and started riding.
At this point I would like to be able to say that I rode 10 miles and enjoyed myself while doing it, but… I didn’t. I actually hated it. I hated the path, I hated the riding (didn't help that I was trying to put it off for an hour, or all together), and I hated that it was much harder than I remember. I was expecting it to be a little harder than it was when I started riding, but I didn’t expect it to be like I had never even biked the 200+ miles I had back from the end of March to the end of April! Heck, it felt like I was back where I was in February. I did push myself to keep going (thanks to a reciprocating challenge issued by my friend, Christina) and barely squeeked in an hour and did 7.5 miles. I guess that’s not too bad, but it was a struggle to do it. But, an hour later I had forgotten all about it. I know I will start loving it again when I start seeing results on the scale and in my happiness. I know it will get easier again. And I know that I am doing the right thing. It just will take time to get back into the swing of things again.