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To Change Or Not To Change... That Is The Enigma!!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

So since I have come back, I thought about just leaving my weight loss progress bar at 231.4 lbs to show where I was when I left and what my lowest weight was. But, today I was pondering if that was really the right thing to do. I mean, was I not changing it because I wanted to show where I once was, or was it really because I didn’t want to see the weight I was now and show that I had let myself down every time I logged into Spark People? I think it was more so the second one.

“If you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you. You may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing we call "failure" is not the falling down, but the staying down.” MARY PICKFORD

I hate seeing this graph...

Obviously, I made the change and updated my weight to reflect that I was now back at 251.4 pounds. While I am not okay with the fact that I have allowed myself to gain 20 pounds back, I am okay with knowing that I am going to be, once again working towards a goal. After all, the point of Spark and the community is not to try to hide our mistakes and the bad choices that we make. But rather share ourselves with one another and to learn from our own mistakes and become stronger, healthier people because of it.

So, I got out my box (marked to be opened as soon I moved in) and unpacked my Zune music player, my water hydration bag and my Polar heart rate monitor. I loaded up my bike and drove to a local park to scout out the local new-to-me bicycle path. I equipped myself with the above said items and started riding.

At this point I would like to be able to say that I rode 10 miles and enjoyed myself while doing it, but… I didn’t. I actually hated it. I hated the path, I hated the riding (didn't help that I was trying to put it off for an hour, or all together), and I hated that it was much harder than I remember. I was expecting it to be a little harder than it was when I started riding, but I didn’t expect it to be like I had never even biked the 200+ miles I had back from the end of March to the end of April! Heck, it felt like I was back where I was in February. I did push myself to keep going (thanks to a reciprocating challenge issued by my friend, Christina) and barely squeeked in an hour and did 7.5 miles. I guess that’s not too bad, but it was a struggle to do it. But, an hour later I had forgotten all about it. I know I will start loving it again when I start seeing results on the scale and in my happiness. I know it will get easier again. And I know that I am doing the right thing. It just will take time to get back into the swing of things again.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LOGNSMOM0114
    were you hydrated? sometimes i feel that way during a workout and that was it..or i didn't get good sleep or i was getting sick so you have to give it another chance. I know you posted along time ago i hope you don't give up you are worth it! You are an inspiration to me you've got alot of people who are with you on this!
    4101 days ago
  • KAMJMM33
    That is so totally true about what spark is for. I took my own two month break and gained back my weight too. I feel ashamed to say but I just want to get back on track and hopefully not fall off again. I think it is great that you did bike. If you push yourself it will become easier each time. Keep up the biking!!
    4143 days ago
    You will so rock it out I know it! It is hard to find ourselves back in the game but we just need to throw ourselves in there again and again...Lets keep it up!
    4170 days ago
    Think about it this way with the bike riding-
    I've been reading a bunch of studies that monitor how your heart and body adapt to exercise. The more you do one exercise the better your body gets at it= the less effective it is for weight loss. So as you're fighting to get back to where you were before with the bike remember that right now- while it's difficult is when it's the most effective :)
    I was doing all that walking and jogging- then it got hot and I started swimming. The swimming was tough at first... now it seems like a cake walk. A few weeks ago i went walk-jogging for the first time in a few months... I had it to where I was going 5 miles no problem. But this last walk- I was dying after 2 miles! And I was having to do that mental pep talk thing like "it's okay... just keep going... you can do it" cuz I wanted to quit and turn back to home the whole time!
    Oh well- not all workouts can be all feelin good and wanting to keep going- but doing it is what matters.
    4170 days ago
    Keep blogging about it, as I am having the same struggle. You can do this, you already know that.

    So what about tomorrow????
    4170 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4685823
    So glad you're back. Your honesty helps us all--PJ
    4171 days ago
    YEAH I'm so proud of you! You did it! Just like you knew that you always could. Your challenge helped me as well it's nice to have you back in my life where I know that if I don't do something I would think crap Danielle is going to get on my butt. I know it was hard becasue it's been hard for me as well. The walking almost made my muscles go into spasms! lol I'm so excited that you brought your weight back up. I think you would be more disappointed with the scale if you hadn't of done that! emoticon
    4171 days ago
    I know what you mean. I took a little hiatus, and gained back about 7 lbs. I went back to the gym this weekend, and I was miserable. But, afterwards, I felt so invigorated. I know in time, I will be back where I was, and feeling strong and powerful while I am sweating and exercising. It is easy for me to lose sight of that, and get frustrated.
    I hope that in time your biking gets easier, and that extra 20 melts right back off! Good Luck, and kudos to you for your positive attitude!!! :)
    4171 days ago
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