i last blogged, a bit worriedly, before leaving for my Vegas vacation. i must say, i had a GREAT time and almost immediately "came to terms" with allowing myself to indulge. thank goodness for that, because indulge i did! how can you not in Vegas? while i never went overboard, i allowed myself some delicious treats (butterscotch waffles one morning for breakfast!), desserts (7-layer cake and flan!), and some drinks (margaritas and wine!). but i also balanced with salads, fruit, veggies, lots of water AND bits of exercise whenever i could. and i most certainly did spend a lot of time swimming at the pool in the gorgeous 90 degree weather every day! while i did worry about weight gain, my attitude was mostly "i DESERVE this". . . and after being so "good" for almost 6 months, i did.
suffice to say, when i got home, the horrible "omg i bet i gained TEN pounds!" monster in my head was happily shut up!
this Halloween was a bit of a different story. i was doing really well until the days after Halloween, where a giant bowl of leftover candy sat facing me all day at work. in an epic battle of my mind vs. the candy bowl. . .the candy bowl won. i had a MASSIVE chocolate binge on monday, like so massive that i entirely gave up tracking my food. it was horrible, and i could not stop. when i got home from work, i felt so bad and defeated about this binge that i went ahead and ate an entire frozen pizza.
not only did this leave me with a major tummyache, but i felt so depressed and out-of-control and ashamed! i have not binged like that in a LONG time, and all those negative feelings were just swimming and reminding me of how i used to binge like that almost every day, and how i was constantly ashamed and severely depressed and using food to TRY to fill some kind of void. it was very unsettling.
nonetheless, yesterday i woke up with a positive attitude. i started the day with a 4-mile jog and ate VERY carefully. and today (weigh-in day), much to my shock, a few pounds have been shed.
a few things i've learned in all this:
1. it's okay to mess up once in a while. although i am a complete perfectionist, i must remember that mistakes are natural to human nature.
2. it's also okay to indulge smartly.
3. i must continue to examine my old binge-eating patterns and work on my mind right along with my body.
4. must remember: binge-eating will make me feel more horrible than anything, both inside and out.
5. i can NEVER, EVER be left alone with a candy bowl!