Saturday, November 07, 2009
What can motivate a person to make a major life change like losing weight? Health? Looks? Is this ever enough? They never have been.
I look at pictures of myself from high school and wonder what happened to that girl. You could fit two and half of that sixteen-year-old in my thirty-one-year-old body. Sometimes I think about going back and seeing old friends and ex-boyfriends. They wouldn't recognize me now. This makes me sad. Not that I was ever a beauty queen but I was happy with the way I looked and now I can't stand to look at myself in the mirror. Sometimes I get so depressed because of my weight. I hate being the largest person in the room, the heaviest person in the office, the fattest of my friends. I sometimes wonder how my husband can stand to look at me. That is harsh but it is how I often feel. However, this is never enough motivation. Yes, I may work out for a few weeks and lower my calorie count for a while but after a few weeks I give up and undo all the work I have done in a few short days.
My health is a big reason I wanted to lose weight. My doctor believes losing weight could solve all of my medical problems but even this does not motivate me enough to keep up the momentum.
So how do I keep working toward something that seems so hard to reach? I know there is no answer to this. I have to keep working at it and keep trying. This I understand but I would still like to have that motivation to keep me going when it seems I will never succeed. I still need to lose 119 pounds to get to my goal weight. It has been so long since I was slim and healthy that I cannot really wrap my mind around this number. What does everyone else use to keep themselves going? What is your motivation?