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Sick of Hating the Woman in the Mirror!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I was once a bit of a Hottie. I really HATE being a Nottie! Every time, I look in the mirror for the last 6 years or so I have wanted to THROW UP. Yuck my arms are the worst. They are so flabby. I used to have great arms and great legs. I didn't have much of a chest but had a Booty, Decent Abs, Great Tone Arms, and Legs. Now I am a big pile of mush.

I not even sure that losing weight will cure it. I also have not aged well. I look wayyyyyy older than my 41 years. I don't get it. I never had trouble with weight. In fact, I had problems gaining weight for much of my life. I could basically eat anything and never gain. I know, I know my Metabolism Changed. Gosh I hate hearing that, it sounds like SUCH A COP OUT! My Mother whom I do not have a relationship with (another long boring story) has a great figure. She is petite now age (59) and I am sure STILL HOT. My Father (haven't spoken to in awhile) at age 64 has NEVER been overweight. Also keeps his body looking like he cares. I am an only child, so no brothers and sisters. So as you can see I come from a good gene pool for FITNESS.

Why do I look like hell? My husband SAYS I blame him. I know it's not HIS FAULT, but I also know that if I had not let him "change me" into someone he likes but I HATE... then this may not be happening.

I only mention the mere fact that BEFORE meeting him I did not have any weight loss issues. What I mean by that is that my husband and I have enjoyed going out to dinner more than most. That is part of the reason I have put on lots of weight, I believe. I also FIRMLY believe that due to Stress in my life, SOME caused by my husband and some caused by outside sources have AIDED IN MY WEIGHT GAIN. I also believe that having a significant other who does not care or show much interest in his appearance has kind of made me GIVE UP! It certainly is not to say that my WEIGHT GAIN is his fault, it is not......it's mine. I just know that being with someone who is overweight as I have been (hubby is overweight and has been since shortly BEFORE and AFTER we met) certainly contributes to giving up.

I have always been a VAIN person. I truly see nothing wrong with being VAIN. Before meeting my husband......in order to take the garbage out at night I would ENSURE my makeup was on. I worried that I may run into a neighbor when I did not look my best and BE ASHAMED.
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i also NEVER NEVER NEVER went grocery shopping or stepped outside my door or EVEN OPENED it without making certain that I looked good enough to do a Photo Shoot. Yes I know it seems silly to most, but I really think that is what KEPT ME IN CHECK. I think that by losing that COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE, I lost myself. That is who I am. I ENJOY looking FABULOUS at all times.

I allowed my husband to talk me into getting "TOO COMFY". See, Rick is not my First Husband. I was NEVER comfy in my other marriages. I think that may have been good in a way because I always made sure I looked good for my mate. But the favor was returned. Although the marriages were not good, we had that in common that we CARED about our appearances and physiques for the other person. I don't feel that my Rick needs to bulk up to big muscles or anything, but hell if I FIX my body.... I want my husband to look good too.

When we are too comfy, we don't keep a vigilant watch. I have never been a person who
"gets comfortable". I always stay on my toes and want to improve upon my looks and my body.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JCORYCMA
    Hey my husband teases me that I'll put on make up to throw up. It's not being vain. Appearance is important to me. I think how a person maintains their outer appearance is a reflection of they feel about themselves on the inside. You just want to make sure it's not a mask covering up pain that needs to come out in the open and be dealt with. You can't change your hubby, Sweetie. I know you wish he were where you are in your weight loss efforts but that's out of your control. You just have to love him for the qualities he does possess. And most importantly, love yourself. You are a beautiful woman!
    Joanne
    3975 days ago
  • SWAZY33
    I could relate...stress and other emotions
    (getting too comfy) caused me to overeat also.
    We can do this! We will succeed!
    •´¸.•´¨) ¸.•*¨)
    (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸..•¨¯`-:¦:
    *Life is what you make of it...
    -:¦:-•:*'*:•.•:*'*:•-:¦:-
    -:... ¦:-•:*'*:• Make each day count!•:*'*:•-:¦:- .
    .(¯`´¯)
    .`•.¸.•´... ¸.
    (¸.•´ (¸.•´

    Have a beautiful week!!!
    (¯`v´¯)
    .`·.¸.·´ Hugs,
    ¸.·´¸.·´¨) ¸.·*¨)Karen
    (¸.·´ (¸.·´ .·´ ¸¸.·¨¯`·.

    3975 days ago
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