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11/15/09

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Alright...

I have always had issues with my weight, I've always been the "chubby girl" I usually just put the negative remarks and comments on the back burner and go on with my life up until recently. About 2 years ago I had this boyfriend who was emotionally abusive. Ever since then I have been more self conscious than ever. I use to take things to a dramatic level to lose weight. I would do everything from throwing up to just not eating at all. I know it's bad but it did work for a while. I weighed 170 which is the smallest I had been since I was in the 5th grade lol. Long story short I dumped that loser and found my self a great guy. He loves me no matter what.. Rain or shine.. Since dating him I had gained back all of my weight and then some. I weighed 194... unsatisfied with my self yet again, I retorted back to my old ways, this time no throwing up. I limited my self to a strict 600 calories a day. I ended up losing back down to 175 pounds.. A few weeks later we found out I was pregnant. 9 months later I weight 210 pounds and a beautiful baby girl to show for it. I want to lose my baby weight and a little extra so bad, but this time I want to do it right. I haven't let my boyfriend see me with no clothes on since I had the baby. I make him leave the room when I am getting dressed. I am horrified that If he sees what my body looks like now, that he wont love me as much or be satisfied with me. I want to look good again for him, but mostly for me. I want to do this right. Any help from anyone would be so appreciated. I need the moral support so bad. All i want is to love my self again.
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