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Guess I should "Get Over It"

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Have been having a very emotional month, with Empty Nest coming on like a freight train, timing perfectly with the holidays. DS has been invited by his "girlfriend" to Thanksgiving dinner to meet her family. I told him to tell them that she won't even SPEAK to HIS family. Found out earlier the day I was informed of this invitation, that my MIL isn't coming either, as she's trying to move. (thought she wasn't moving til Jan) So. It's only DH & I. I'm very depressed. My oldest DD was from a previous marriage, so we've "always" had children. And then Christmas, which I've always been like "Mother Christmas" around here, & I'm quickly losing incentive to do anything for either holiday. Of course, I've allowed this to put my diet & exercise in the dumper. My marriage isn't awful, but between health issues & finances, we just kind of co-habitate. (sp?) (platonic ok) Don't know what else to say. Back to work.
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    I can totally empathize with you. Since my children moved away and my family all live in other states the holidays are very difficult for me as well. I have been invited the last few years to my girlfriend's home for Thanksgiving. She and her husband are very close with me and I enjoy spending time with them and their family. They have no children so its always full of sisters, brothers and other folks. It makes the day very bright for me. Perhaps you might invite some of your friends over to share the meal with you. If that doesn't work, you might look at starting a new tradition with your DH and yourself, do something new. It might add a little spark to an otherwise dull day! Thank you for sharing your dilemma...it is very hard and I appreciate the emptiness you are feeling emoticon
    3961 days ago
  • KMIRANDA2000
    Give serious thought to volunteering on Thanksgiving morning to visit a nursing home. There are many elderly who never see anyone on the holidays. It may seem strange, but we did this two years in a row...my husband, daughter and I. We asked the receptionist who typically doesn't get visitors and she pointed us in the right direction. We felt so good afterwards. That's what the holidays are really about...caring for others.
    3962 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/18/2009 7:55:16 PM
    I'm so sorry the holidays are rough for you this year! I never understood that feeling before, but now I do, as this will be the second Christmas without my dad and his brother, and the first without my grandmother. Christmas is just not what it was and the empty spaces seem so much bigger this time of year. But, I know from when we used to visit my grandma at the nursing home, there are many there who get no visitors, even on the holiday, and would welcome a brief visit and possibly a small gift, even if you don't know them. We gave gifts to my grandma's roommate and she actually cried as they were the only gifts she received that year.

    Oh, and I don't think you should "get over it", unfortunately, I don't think it's possible. But do try to find a way to have a pleasant holiday, even if it's not quite what you had in mind! emoticon
    3962 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/18/2009 3:49:35 PM
  • no profile photo CD1389378
    Tough stuff. I didn't have empty nest in the traditional way, still I went into the holidays with much emptiness. What I did was work on the holidays and loved it. I worked in a hospital and making people's holiday bright during a tough time helped me move away from feeling sorry for myself. I also celebrated with friends rather than family - as I couldn't travel to my family. We had a blast. One year it was a bunch of us "singles" and what a riot we had - lots of food, booze and wacky movies. Another time I was single and hooked up with my married friends, who had a Chinese buffet and open house on Dec 25th. That was terrific and people talked about it for years after. If you can't hook up with friends or neighbours to create an off-beat holiday, how about looking at volunteer work? Such as a food bank, ped ward at a hospital, extended care unit volunteer, senior centre volunteer, serving meals to the homeless at Christmas etc. It may help you to move away from the dark and into the light. Whatever you do, I hope that things perk up for you. Its tough when all leave. for sure.
    3962 days ago
    It's never easy when our kids move on and out of our daily lives. I was crushed when my two older children each graduated and moved out to go to school and such. I felt like a part of me was missing. Then the holidays come as they do each year and we mourn the old days when our kids were little. We wouldn't have these feelings if we didn't love our kids. Mmmmmmmm....times change and, I guess we do too. You have to hold on to the happy memories. Take care of yourself, and do things that you want to do. Maybe this year won't be a big celebration, but don't give up on the holidays all together. If nothing else, be thankful for your blessings.
    3962 days ago
    Oh, you are going through a rough time! It really does get hard to do the holiday things when significant others are involved and have to go to their family. Since I had to share custody with my ex on the holidays, we got in the habit of celebrating Thanksgiving and Christmas NEAR the actual holidays. Can you maybe have a Thanksgiving Dinner a week early or a week later? Just because Hallmark and the rest of the world think we have to be thankful the last Thursday in November, doesn't mean we have to. And celebrating Christmas between December 26th & 30th, makes decorating and wrapping LOTS cheaper! I know this isn't going to change the loneliness you feel, but it might help you get geared up and have something else to look forward to this holiday season. You are in my prayers.
    3962 days ago
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