When does the battle end and the living begin?
Thursday, December 03, 2009
I lost the battle last night. I lost in so many ways. I was tired,frustrated, and feeling terrible about myself.
I didnt work out, but I didn't eat TOO bad either, just a little "off" the wagon shall we say.
I dont want to beat myself up over one night of "not perfect"; its not like I did a full on binge or anything. Still I'm sorta beating myself up over it, I'm aware of it, and stopping myself in my tracks, and purposefully telling myself its ok to not be perfect, yada yada yada....but I'm still feeling bad about it, still not liking the person I've become, physically and emotionally. I'm struggling, pushing and working through it. I know it's a process and its hard, and all that stuff. I'm just tired of the struggle now. Can't I just be ok with myself now, as I am and just surrender to the fact that I will eventually get to those goals I hope for? Can't I stop wanting it this second and beating myself up because I allowed myself to become this person?
I guess I just want to quit battling myself everyday over this. I've been playing this game for way way way too long.
When does the battle end, and the living begin?