SP Premium
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints 39,956

Eating our emotions ...

Friday, December 11, 2009

A couple traumatic things happened when I was a teen, I let them overtake my life. I withdraw completely. At first I started losing weight ... I wanted to disappear. I couldn't stand being in my own skin. Then I went into complete denial ... I wouldn't even acknowledge anything had happened (I never told anyone). I denied it for 10 years. When my daughter's father walked out on me (at 2 weeks pregnant) ... I completely withdrew again, everything came back. I was absolutely certain I could never trust another man. For 8 years ... I had nothing to do with anyone. I gained 80 pounds and then some more. It was really OK ... I wasn't getting so much attention and I could relax a little - I focused on being the best Mom possible. But after 8 years I was morbidly obese and having chest pains. It was time to be healthy, as I started losing weight - the attention started building. Every time a man told me I was beautiful, gorgeous or sexy ... all I wanted to do was run in the kitchen and eat everything I could until I was numb. It took everything I had in me - not to.

I still cringe at sexual advances from men. I don't need them drooling over me to know I am a worthy human being. I will never let another man influence the way I feel about myself.

If this helps anyone to conquer their personal demons, it is worth all of my tears.

I am healthy now and I will be around for a very long time.
Share This Post With Others
Member Comments About This Blog Post
    3929 days ago
    Chirsty, you have come so far and i'm very proud of you for doing it on your own. You must have incredible determination to come as far as you have. May God bless you always!! You are such a great role model for your daughter and others. Thanks for being you!! Renee emoticon
    3962 days ago
    You are a strong woman!
    3988 days ago
    Hardships make us stronger. You did it!
    Soph! emoticon
    4000 days ago
    You are indeed a very strong and mature woman. You know how to take care of yourself and you are doing it for YOU! I applaud you because we women need to care for ourselves ~NOT to please a man but because WE ARE WORTHY HUMAN BEINGS.
    emoticon Christy!!
    4000 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4344370
    i know what you are going through i gain weight to keep men away but they didn't just the worse came around and i fail for there crap sending you emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    4000 days ago

    Comment edited on: 12/11/2009 5:26:53 PM
    Past hurts are just that 'past'. And you have put them where they belong nd come out stronger in spite of it all. Good for you.
    4000 days ago
    Christy, what a great role model you are for your daughter.

    You are not only getting healthy body wise but also in your mind and heart. I find that almost everyone that has fought obesity has a story, and for you to share this opens up the possibilities for others. To know that they too can't change what happened but they can change how they deal with it and also know they are not alone. This is worth so much and thank you for your gift to so many. To offer this up from with in you is truly an unselfish act and to reach out to others is such a blessings...look at how far you have come. I am so very proud of you! You are amazing and yes beautiful.
    Hugs, Em
    4000 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5197542
    I am so sorry for the past hurts. I wish you'd see someone to talk about them, because it sounds to me like you are not past them, not by a long shot. A healthy, stable relationship can be a beautiful, rewarding, exciting thing, and so much more. Surely you don't want to pass on your feelings to your child? You deserve to be happy, how you get there is up to you (whether alone or in a relationship), but you don't sound happy in this post.

    Best of luck to you.
    4000 days ago
    You are well on the road to being healed. emoticon
    4000 days ago
    Good for you! Your self-worth comes from within, not from outside. I still have trouble recognizing that sometimes, though... God bless you for your strength!
    4000 days ago
  • Add Your Comment to the Blog Post

    Log in to post a comment

    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.