Eating our emotions ...
Friday, December 11, 2009
A couple traumatic things happened when I was a teen, I let them overtake my life. I withdraw completely. At first I started losing weight ... I wanted to disappear. I couldn't stand being in my own skin. Then I went into complete denial ... I wouldn't even acknowledge anything had happened (I never told anyone). I denied it for 10 years. When my daughter's father walked out on me (at 2 weeks pregnant) ... I completely withdrew again, everything came back. I was absolutely certain I could never trust another man. For 8 years ... I had nothing to do with anyone. I gained 80 pounds and then some more. It was really OK ... I wasn't getting so much attention and I could relax a little - I focused on being the best Mom possible. But after 8 years I was morbidly obese and having chest pains. It was time to be healthy, as I started losing weight - the attention started building. Every time a man told me I was beautiful, gorgeous or sexy ... all I wanted to do was run in the kitchen and eat everything I could until I was numb. It took everything I had in me - not to.
I still cringe at sexual advances from men. I don't need them drooling over me to know I am a worthy human being. I will never let another man influence the way I feel about myself.
If this helps anyone to conquer their personal demons, it is worth all of my tears.
I am healthy now and I will be around for a very long time.