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Late Night Life Reflection

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Hmmm, I'm having a particularly challenging few weeks after doing a "decent" job over the past 2 years. My weight loss has been incredibly slow, with a 20 pound gain in the middle of it, now lost, thank goodness. But now it's all but stopped, and at a time when it should be easiest.

I'm not sure what this is all about. This is a really challenging time in my life. I believe, for me, I need to have the presence of 4 areas in my life: work, love, home, and play. I made a big change a year ago, moving from the other side of the world back to the US and leaving lots of friends, a good job, and travel opportunities galore. This year hasn't been terrible, just different than what I expected. I elected to take a no pay job for a year....sort of a "give back to my community" project. My plan was to look for a job with a professional salary and go from there but because I decided I don't want to move again so soon, I've elected to stay another year at a salary. But it's not the most fulfilling job and not the greatest salary for my education and experience. And because I came in and made changes, I'm not the most popular person there. So I feel pretty isolated and that can be hard. And while I've never felt I needed to have a perfect balance of those aforementioned 4 areas, I feel severely lacking in most of them right now.

I'm single and do not have children, so work has always been important to me and I generally feel I'm confident and competent at what I do. But I haven't felt much of that this year in the work category. Love? Yes, I have family love and friend love, but no romantic love at the moment. I haven't had one single date this year and that's been hard. I'm not looking for marriage, but I sure would like to have a partner. Can't help but think my weight and current lack of confidence probably has a lot to do with that. Home...I'm living in a 71 y/o house provided by my agency. I live very near a busy downtown and recently discovered to my absolute horror that I have a rat in the house. It made me want to move immediately....really, that was my solution, to move. But of course I can't due to commitments and finances. And if was going to move, it might as well be to a job I love. Friends who have lived here lifelong have little empathy..."you can't live in the city and not have rats in an old house". I don't like that answer and don't even like being home now, whereas previously when I lived in ignorant bliss, I loved being at home. Play...I do get out to dinner and ballets (often alone) and museums with friends, so play is probably OK. I just need to buff up the other areas.

I'm suspicious that all of these tumbling out feelings may have to do with the fact that I turned 50 last month. But honestly, I don't think I mind being 50. I think it's more that this is not where I thought I'd be at 50, although where that was is a mystery to me.

Thank goodness for SparkPeople and all the incredible support from my Lifer Team. What a blessing that Karon came upon me and invited me into their world...
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JUSTKARON
    SUSAN emoticon emoticon and all that!

    We're glad to have YOU on our LIFER team.

    OK...immediate problem...can't you get an exterminator to git rid of the 'houseguest'. Good grief...I'd be upset too.

    See you on the team, Hon.

    Karon
    3885 days ago
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