Thursday, December 17, 2009
I'm exhausted but can't sleep; I tried to no avail and am up with my frozen feet on a heating pad to garner warmth. I'm not really cold, I honestly think my extremities are cold because I'm anxious....which is why I can't sleep. Terrible, awful day at work that has led to questioning myself and seriously considering a job change. This would entail a lot but it's not impossible.
I do feel a bit better after deciding to forgive the person at work with whom I am battling. I believe forgiveness is so misunderstood and tonight I'm really striving to incorporate it into tomorrow, when I'll likely need it most. I think that forgiveness is for you, not for the person you're forgiving. It's letting go of all the hurt and anger associated with a wrong. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the act of the person was right. It doesn't mean it's forgotten, in fact, I believe "Forgive and forget" is a very misused term because it's generally not true. I have no intention of telling this person I've forgiven her...she won't believe it or understand it and this act is not for her, it's for me. It will allow me to let go of all the anger and hurt I feel. This person doesn't care if I'm angry or hurting, so hanging on to these negative feelings are only harming me, not her. Tonight, I'm just striving for a bit of soulful peace. Forgive.