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Metastic Adenocarcinoma

Wednesday, January 20, 2010



So, how does one say hello to those two words? Does this become the big pink elephant in the middle of the living room or do I shine the brightest light on it that I can? At the moment, I am researching this devilish disease on the computer, while I listen to my mom banging around in her room. I am positive she is showing me how quickly she can dismantle, box up, and give away most of her belongings. Not wanting to be a burden and simplifying life, if I were to ask her. Being busy, distracted, and practical. My cousin, Trish (I love her), says that I am not to surf the net trying to find out information, until I know what the heck we are looking at and talk to the oncologist. I didn’t listen and now just want to throw up. Practicing for days to come I would say.

My mom has that big name up at the top of this. It sounds bad without even researching it. Mestastic…not good and probably means it came from some place else besides the lung where we found it. Carcinoma…well we all know what that is. Shoot.

I always thought my mom was going to live a really, really long time. She would be that little old lady that just kept on going. And she would definitely live longer than her parents did, the ones who survived the Depression, no health insurance, and bad diet. Silly me, what WAS I thinking? She turns 78 in March. Barely there in my mind, but maybe not in the big scheme of things.

Mom and I live together and will survive this together. I feel like this is going to be the worst thing that has ever happened to me. Besides divorce, besides losing my dad to brain cancer, besides, besides, besides. All my family lives far away, but I know if I called and said, “I need you, now,” they would come running. I have great, great friends who I know will be right there for me. These are the types of friends that walk in when everybody else is walking out. These are the best.

Sparky friends, I am going to need you. Maybe this is really the reason I found this website, although the 75 pounds was not a bad thing. I’ve tried so hard to be positive and upbeat throughout my time on the site. But now I have to be positive and upbeat and sad and scared and mad and regretful. It is so overwhelming and so human. I’ve learned over the years that ignoring those four emotions is the ticket to stress and hopelessness. Those are the emotions that need a bright, bright light shone on them daily. So I am counting on my Sparky friends to be there with me through this. Even when I am not being so positive and motivating.

What a birthday this turned out to be…but at least mom is feeling good now, when we need to make some tough, tough decisions. And she has awesome health and long-term care insurance. I have a great support system and know deep down I have the strength to see this through. I never know how much I can do, until I’m pushed to the brink. Well here goes!

May I please ask for some hugs from my sparky friends today? I’m in need.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • LADYROSE
    Oh honey... I know I'm coming late to this not so fun party but sending you lots and lots and lots of love!

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    3465 days ago
  • BUFFYSMOM2
    Danette:
    Hang in there. Will say a prayer for you and your mom.
    Hugs!
    Patti emoticon
    3705 days ago
  • ALEXSGIRL1
    prayers are with you and your mom take some of my hugs and hold on tight emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3713 days ago
  • VGINNY
    DANETTE---Your Spark friends are definitely with you------we have all been there in one way or another- emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon ---thee-----that's for starters
    If God takes you to it-----He will see you through it!!Believe.
    3716 days ago
  • 3BEACHLOVERS
    Hi Danette, I have been an oncology RN for over 26 years and see what you are going through every day....It is a tough road, but you must never give up hope. Live each day to the fullest, and enjoy all the things that we all take for granted....We all have so much in our lives to be thankful for. Know that you have alot of support, now is your time to reach out to others!

    Please write or email privagtely anytime, I care....

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    Laura
    3716 days ago
  • TX.PATRICIA
    You are in my daily prayers!

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    3717 days ago
  • BOBBI1968
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    Danette - you and your mommy are in my thoughts and prayers! Please take care of yourself!

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    3718 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4035863
    Such sad news. I will pray for your family and hope you find a great doctor and hospital. They can have a tremendous impact on how you are able to handle the future. I will be thinking of you.

    3718 days ago
  • SWDESERTLOVER
    I am so sorry to hear of your Mom's diagnosis. I know there is nothing I can say at this time that will make you feel better, but know that we are here for you. Sometimes it just helps to write about your feelings. When my husband was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last September, I regularly wrote about it in my blogs. My Spark friends were always there with prayers and kind words and it truly did help. Please know that there is always hope. My husband's surgeon painted a very grim picture for his chances, even though the primary tumor was removed. Four months later he is feeling great and is far exceeding everyone's expectations. The most important thing, I believe, is we decided that we would move forward with our lives and our plans despite what the doctors were saying. Tomorrow is not guaranteed for any of us, so live your lives, take one day at a time, and treasure the moments you have together. You already sound like a strong person and you will get through it together.
    Cindy emoticon
    3719 days ago
  • TINK9305
    Huge hugz and lots of thoughts and prayers are going your way!!!!!
    3719 days ago
  • HEILAS
    So sorry you have to go through this ordeal a second time in your life.

    I know exactly how your Mom feels. When she lost your Dad she faced the world and everything in it with new eyes. The fact that she too has this dreaded disease will not be the mighty challenge it would have been had your father been here today.

    She wants to set everything straight so that there is no mess for you to deal with once she leaves.

    Just let her do what she wants to do so that she can be at peace about everything.

    God Bless You.

    Please call on me anytime you need a hug I am a real good hugger.

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    3719 days ago
  • DAWNOFCHANGE
    emoticon emoticon I'm so sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis.

    My father was diagnosed with adenocarcimo at the end of August, a few weeks before his 63rd birthday.

    So, I know exactly how you are feeling at the moment. You will run the gamut of emotions. It is natural. However, no matter how hopeless you may feel at the moment, I'm here to tell you that there is hope.

    My father's cancer is inoperable, and the only treatment for his particular case is chemotherapy. He started a chemo study at a cancer center in Delaware back in September. In December he received his last chemo session because he is responding so well. He does still have to go in every three weeks for an intravenous medication, but the chemo has been stopped. So far, the cancer has been kept from spreading. Thank God.

    Anyway, I just wanted to share to give you hope. Please feel free to stop by my page or e-mail me privately at any time. I will be here to help you get through this. emoticon
    3721 days ago
  • TEDDYBEARGIRL
    Prayers are with you and your mom
    3721 days ago
  • JULIE_MAY
    Dearest Danette,
    My heart and prayers are with you as you face this difficult, sad time with your mom. I've been in that place with my dad (just one year ago), so I know just how heart-wrenching this can be. Please know that I AM praying for you both and sending you lots of virtual emoticon .
    You are a special lady and we love you! emoticon
    3721 days ago
  • CESIRACOLLINS
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    I don't even know you, but I know how scary this can be. My prayers are with you as you move forward.

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    3721 days ago
  • ADAPTABLE_ELLEN
    There has been some amazing progress made in treating lung cancer in the past year, so try to stay positive. Will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers. Sending hugs!
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    3721 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4419646
    Danette! Hugs! GREAT BIG HUGS! You know there has been unbelievable discoveries in cancer research. Everyday we hear about people who have pulled through and are in remission. Keep that positive attitude and hope for the best. We are here for you when you need us.
    3721 days ago
  • KRISLEWIS48
    Danette, you are right, your mother's cancer is probably the hardest thing you will ever go through--harder than being diagnosed with it yourself. I speak from experience, having had cancer myself (although it was caught early and not life-threatening). The "C" word was much harder to hear when it was used to diagnose my dear mother. I felt so helpless and fearful, and angry--at the mercy of things that were so far beyond my control. There is little that anyone can do to support you other than send you our best wishes and prayers for your mother's recovery. Please know that you have my prayers and that you can call on me anytime if I can be of any moral support to you.
    3722 days ago
  • ORGOLDENDUCK
    BIG HUGS........and positive thoughts to you and your loved ones!! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3722 days ago
  • LILABEL
    Again, SO very sorry that you all have to go through this. We are here for you!

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    3722 days ago
  • IMCONFESSIN
    Love.
    3722 days ago
  • no profile photo CD707847
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    You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers
    3722 days ago
  • BARBARA_G
    I'm so so sorry. I'll keep both you and your mom in my thoughts.
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    Barbara
    3722 days ago
  • SMILINGEYES2
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    You have been dealt a very hard blow. We do not expect you to be light and airy when your world is changing as you deal with it. Your mom also has been dealt a blow. Your community may have some support groups for cancer patients and for the adult children so that others going through similare situations can be there. Perhaps, her doctor would have some ideas.

    Wish we could make it go away and be all better but do not want want to be treating it like the elephant in the living room. We will be here for you. We will keep your mom and you in our thoughts and prayers during this time.

    I am thankful that you have family you can turn to and that you have others there to support you. When you need to vent we are here to listen.

    3722 days ago
  • CAPECODDIN
    Sending prayers and well wishes your way.. this is your mom's decision and you must support her in every way.. be strong my friend.. and never give up hope..
    cynthia
    3722 days ago
  • HICALGAL
    i am so sorry my friend. please know that i care and will be here if ever you need to talk. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3722 days ago
  • NHGRL68
    I'm SO sorry that this has happened to your Mom and your whole family. I can totally relate to the way you are feeling because I've been having a lot of those same feelings. This is definitely the toughest thing that I have ever gone through. I'm wishing you all the best and will be here to support you along the way. I can tell that you are a strong and very capable woman. Probably a lot stronger than you feel right now. Best wishes and try to keep your chin up. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    ~Melissa~
    3722 days ago
  • JLITT62
    You don't even need to ask, I was already getting set to give you hugs before I got to the bottom of your post. I am so sorry to hear of your mom's diagnosis. Remember to take it one day at a time. We will all be here for you.
    3722 days ago
  • MACGIRRL
    I've been there too in the "mother immortality" place when I was least expecting it. I thought my mother's energy and power and strength were just short of immortal. I thought she would out-live most of our family that was left, just by her sheer strength of character and will. Metastatic is one scary word.... and different physicians and specialists will offer different takes. So many variables in the equation of treatment or not. BUT, the CONSTANT is the LOVE. This is precious time. Take your time with your mom to assimilate this as reality, I know it takes surreal time to even wrap your mind around it, much less decide treatment vs. non treatment. Just take time to exhale and gather and re-group. Your words ring so familiar true... "I never know how much I can do, until I am pushed to the brink" Willing peace to you and your family's core, and if I can help in any way, please DO ask.
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    3722 days ago
  • 3BEACHLOVERS
    I am sending you lots of emoticon . I have been an oncology RN for the last 28 years and see every day how familys come together at a time like this. You are so fortunate to have a wonderful, supportive family and caring friends...Please lean in them and gather your strength through their love. I will hold you and your mom is my prayers.

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    Laura
    3722 days ago
  • no profile photo ALEMAPO
    You are both in my thoughts and prayers. emoticon emoticon
    3722 days ago
  • WALEB1002
    your SP friends are here for you! I will keep you and your mom in my prayers. If you ever need to talk...im always on here...and i know im a stranger to you, but sometimes those are the best people to talk to.
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    3722 days ago
  • THE_SILVER_OWL
    Prayers, hugs and most of all compassion for the days ahead. Please do lean on any and all of us. I too have lost loved ones to cancer, and have gone through the scary times with my mother who now thankfully is a breast cancer survivor. My heart goes out to you and your mother are you walk this journey together, but not alone...~JJ~
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    3722 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2010 10:59:03 PM
  • MYRTLY
    I'm not really sure what one can say at this time. I lost my Mother when I was a teenager. So I look at this from a different angle than most. I say how very lucky you have been to have had her all these years. How very lucky you are to have so many memories. How very lucky she is to have you.
    When, If or How will this end? No one ever knows. Always remember the quality of life not the length. Can this be cured?? Quite possibly?? Could she survive the surgery, the chemo, the sickness?? Quite possibly. How long will it take to get thru all this and survive?? How would Mom prefer to spend those months or years?? So many questions and no answers.

    We are here. All of us. All the (((HUGS))) you need. Everyday, all day. You and your Mom will be in our thoughts and prayer daily. Lean on us.

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    Myrtly
    3722 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2010 11:01:57 PM
  • LIFE_IS_SO_GOOD
    I'm so sorry to hear this. You and your mom will be in my thoughts and prayers.

    I know you want to know everything about the disease but your cousin may be right ... talk to the oncologist. When I was told i had probably had cancer I started researching it and I focused on all the bad statistics ... when i saw the oncologist I was given another picture ... which was liveable ... so try not to despair.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    p.s. In my cancer survivor group their are 2 ladies that are both lung cancer survivors 2 and 3 years ... one is 86 and the other is is her 70's ... they both are doing well with treatment.
    3722 days ago
  • SLCB1023
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon You and your MOM will be in my prayers and thoughts. Right now your head is spinning with the shock of the news. You will find the strength to get through this. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3722 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4664429
    I'm sorry. I'll say a prayer for your mom and for you. I'm here for when you need me.

    Kath
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    3722 days ago
  • SANDYB223
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    Hugs, thoughts and prayers coming your way.
    3722 days ago
  • LILYGAL
    emoticon to you. You and your mom are in my prayers and thoughts. It is so tough to watch and be helpless. I know as I took care of my MIL through her last days of pancreatic cancer. But I am like the others...laugh often, cry often, listen a lot, just be there. And you never know what can be done for her. I also have a friend who was diagnosed with renal cancer 3 years ago and they told her the the disease would kill her. But they have meds and she is on one that is keeping her alive and she is doing fine. In fact, her last scan there was no sign of the cancer. So don't give up until they tell you.
    3722 days ago
  • WANDA68
    I am sending you emoticon I also hope that you know that all your Sp friends are always here for you today tomorrow and the next day and days after.
    3722 days ago
  • THINKGREEN
    I know you and your mom have a hard road ahead of you. Hugs and prayers to you both. Enjoy every moment you can together. Laugh as often as possible; tell your mom you love her every day. And most of all do not give up hope until the oncologist tells you different.

    Jan
    3722 days ago
  • CHATERJOY
    I'm so sorry to hear this news. emoticon Know that I am thinking of you and your Mom. emoticon
    3722 days ago
  • HRDWLBY
    I am so sorry to hear about your Mom's diagnosis. I don't know what treatment options there are, but they are doing amazing things with cancer treatments. Hang in there!

    I don't know when your birthday was, but I wish you belated greetings.

    If there is anything I can do to help you, let me know. I used to be a counselor who worked with people with disabilities.

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    3722 days ago
  • BETHLOVESBIKING
    I'm so sorry to hear this! Such a hard diagnosis to face! My thoughts and prayers are heading your way, and you sound like the kind of strong, caring, loving person who will get through this.
    But it's going to be a tough road ahead. Your mom is so fortunate to have you, her loving daughter, close to her. She's not on her own.

    We'll be here for you whenever you need to unload. emoticon emoticon
    3723 days ago
  • CSEMAN
    God bless you and your mother. I understand what you are going through....my mother is battling ovarian cancer. Hugs!
    3723 days ago
  • 4CYNDI
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    This is something that is hard to face. I went through something similar when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She is a very positive woman and thankfully is doing very well right now. But it did cause me to stop and think. I don't know how I will function when I have to face the end for both her and my dad.

    My thoughts, prayers and good wishes are flowing your way as you navigate this treacherous time. Make the best decision possible for you each time.
    Cyndi
    3723 days ago
  • _JULEE_
    I'm really sorry this is happening to you both. emoticon
    3723 days ago
  • DAISYBELL6
    I know this must be very hard for you and you have all my support. You will get thru it one day at a time and you are a strong lady. I know I am here for you as will be your other Spark friends.

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    3723 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/20/2010 7:05:31 PM
  • SUNNYARIZONA
    I have a close relationship with my Mom too...this blog makes me tear up to think . You are NEVER going to be ready for her to go...I know, I feel that way. My Mom lives in an asst. living place in Calif.. the most HOMEY place , clean, loving , perfect....I HATE to be living so far from her... for me....I was sent an email from my boss that I may need to change my "vacation" plans in May because I would only have 40 hours of PTO, however, it will be my Mom's 87th. birthday and I CAN'T miss that...besides, I go to see her ever 6 months at least....I try not to think of the day she will no longer be with me.....want you to know, you can lean on me, and I will cry with you through the hard time you will be facing. LOVE on your Mom much as you can. Absorb as much as you can. Take LOTS of pictures, record her voice if you can.
    I won't say hang in there, because, you will NOT be able to do that at times.
    In stead....I will say prayers for you to endure through this time...
    God Bless you emoticon
    3723 days ago
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