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Standing Tall, or standing still

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Haven't blogged in a while, I'd like to say it's because I've been busy, fact is I've just lost all motivation. Thought I'd be further along with this whole diet thing. Thought I'd be further along in my career. Closer to finding someone.
Fact is I cant shake this melancholy feeling, and its become detrimental. For a couple years I've had my heart set on going to fire school. Boot camp -esque, it takes a lot of hard work, determination, dedication. I'm finally enlisted and class is ready to start- too bad I'm far from it. What happened? Why cant I seem to get anything done. The consequences for me being unprepared are daunting, is that not motivation enough?
I still can't shake this loneliness either. Always proud of my independence, I now find it a burden. Thought I'd be slim and trim, ready to kick some ass with my new physique- the the confidence, as well as the sexy body seem to be on back order.
I feel like I'm standing still, treading water. Just trying to get through another day. Sadly I could just as easily pass the time sleeping as anything else. Where's my zip, my spunk? I had great determination and confidence at one time; where did it go? How do I get it back, and will it come too late for me to be successful at my goal?
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  • MEDICMOM316
    I hear you. Sadly, we are in the same boat. True, I don't have fire school looming but I do have a predetermined [by The Man] amount of time in which I am able to get myself in good -- or at least MUCH better physical and mental condition. Where the hell has the motivation gone? I see only glimses of it from time to time. Perhaps, that is the problem. I'm no longer taking the time to dedicate myself... to myself. This last round of 'sickness' sort of scared me because I saw how weak I could get so quickly. This is bad, on oh, so many levels.

    Out of curiosity, have you started actually READING 'The Spark' book? Amazingly, I bought it and there it sits, on my nightstand, waiting for me to be motivated enough to open it. Now, I ask you, is that pathetic enough?

    I walked this moring looking for my odometer. Two miles, give or take. I am having a 'get back in the saddle' feeling. How about you? We need to lean on each other and take care of oursleves FIRST. I'm in, are you?

    PS Sorry for taking so long to get to this. No excuses...
    emoticon
    3873 days ago
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