and such is life.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Last week wasn't great. I started strong and ended weak....not unusual for me.
This week is shaping up to be bad to. THe thing tha'ts funny to me, is I just had a conversation with my son this weekend. Don't be upset you lost the game, the only thing to be upset about is if you know in your heart you didn't do what you could have. Practiced more, stretched better, asked questions, worked on this, worked on that. Whatever. If you give it your all, there is no reason to be sad or disappointed in the outcome, even if it wasn't as you wanted it to be.
And here I am Monday morning and already defeated. How did that happen? I mean I didnt completely blow it yesterday- maybe a little. but not competely.
The biggest thing hitting home for me today is the wine. I drank too much wine yesterday. I'm tired and a little depressed, and I've been drinking (a glass or two- nothing crazy) everynight. This does nothing for my health, my mood or my life. I've realized I'm simply substituting over eating with drinking to satisfy that "void" that I"m feeling.
I dont know what will fill the void, but its not food, nor is it booze. I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. I'm uncomfortable with who I am in some ways. Maybe this blog is getting alittle too personal for my own liking, but I think it needs to come out. I"m letting the words flow from me, as I sit here. bringing all the feelings and what not out.
I know what I want. I can see my goal. I see the gold bikini everytime I log in. The problem is, I also want to be happy and feel good about myself. This is a whole other problem that must be fixed before I can truely achieve the "gold bikini" dream.
I no longer want my self esteem and feelings to be an act or a struggle.