Saturday, October 21, 2006
Today was alot better food wise but hard. I went hungry during parts of the day to stay so low. Had a really filling dinner though and that has kept me full all night. I have to work in a little bit until about 1 am so we will see if this number sticks. I really want it to.
I am finding now that my trigger is stress. As a single mom whose ex pays nothing (he is supposed to) and lives over 1000 miles away so never sees his kid and barely talks to her it's even more stressful. Even though my mom lives with me she is elderly and is more like another kid. She helps a tiny bit financially but not alot. She does nothing around the house to help out except from time to time she will cook. She doesn't clean at all.
Work is stressful. Not in the "I'm afraid I am going to lose my job" stressful, more in the amount and kind of work. 3 weekends in a row of midnight installs is getting old.
I have no free time, no extra money, I have to be oncall as a parent all day and all night, I have no one helping me with the house and yardwork and somewhere is there I have to work out. I am going to have to cut back some on the working out because I need to spend more time at home. It was fun while it lasted but I just have to reduce stress or else I will keep slipping up and eating to soothe myself. You know - I quit smoking, I don't drink, I have given up all of my ways of dealing with stress and now I have to give up using food as a soother. I need to find something else to substitute for my soother... Oh well, that's what's been up with me this week. Having a big old pity party. Now to work.