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#263: You Don't Have to Tell Us We're Overweight

Friday, March 19, 2010

I had to stop into a spa and massage facility today. During our meeting, I asked the owner if massage would help get rid of my sciatica. She pointed to my stomach and said, "No, but losing that will."

Her comment made me feel ashamed and embarrassed. We all know we're overweight. How rude was it for a stranger to make what, to me, was such an insulting remark? Why do others feel so free in commenting about our weight?

Do they think we're unaware of being heavy? Do they think we are unaware of how we look? Maybe because some people have never faced a weight problem they are insensitive to people who are.

But it comes down to this: We know we're overweight. No one needs to tell us.

Should I have said anything in rebuttal? If so, what?

Or was being polite and not speaking up the proper, mature way to handle this?

What would you have done? Or, if you have experienced a similar situation, how did you respond?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I agree with everyone. It was uncalled for, unprofessional and offensive. I would've turned my back on them and walked out.

    3997 days ago
  • no profile photo CD2702433
    I am sorry she was so rude to you. I know sometimes it is difficult to overcome the shock when somone is blatantly unkind, and words at the time are hard to come by.
    There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing a note to the establishment and letting them know how poorly the situation was handled.
    3999 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/20/2010 3:54:00 PM
    Oh Lou, what a horrible experience. I'd like to think that I've become more mature as I get older. However, I am less likely to sit there quietly and take it when someone has been rude or hurtful to me.

    I would have done what Yatmama suggested. In a way I guess this is giving it right back to her. But, you know what? Maybe it will cause to stop and think before she is so mean and rude to someone else.

    {{{Hugs}}} to you my friend.

    You are beautiful on the inside and that is what really matters.

    3999 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/20/2010 3:45:53 PM
    Lou, as a professional I think she was way out of line. Sometimes the best way not to validate someone else and their rudeness is to act as though it wasn't even said. Sometimes, too, they need to be confronted to shed some light on their insensitivity. Maybe send her a copy of 'How to Win Friends and Influence Enemies." She is probably totally unaware of how that hurt you. Show her and maybe she will change. If not, word of mouth kills a business faster than anything.
    3999 days ago
    Lou... I think that Missy spoke most eloquently to the subject and how to handle it.. I might add... and ma'am... I am losing weight, how lucky I am that I can lose weight but UGLY is something you are stuck with... your behavior has shown light on your "ugliness".

    Leah may be right, a note expressing your feelings may be exactly what is needed here. Love, Dawn emoticon
    3999 days ago
    Lou, this lady's behavior is unacceptable. She is a professional; or considers herself to be. Word of mouth advertising can make or break a business. I guess she has forgotten that. There is NEVER an excuse to be so RUDE to anyone. I believe that I would have to let this lady know that her behavior has cost her business; yours, and the future business of the people you would have referred to her. Perhaps you could send her a note in the mail. You did NOT deserve that, and as Missy said, shame on her.
    3999 days ago
    I am so sorry that you had this experience. No one should be treated so shabbily.

    A year ago I would have probably cried and felt horrified and embarrassed for a week and avoided that person forevermore.

    I've grown a bit in the past year and learned the value of honesty in emotions. I would have calmly responded to her, "Wow! That was rude! I asked if your services would help me and you did answer that question. Thank you for that. Your gratuitous comment was terribly hurtful and embarrassing. I imagine if I began to point out your flaws, you would be embarrassed, as well. Does it make you feel better about yourself to do that? It would be worth examining your motives for such cruelty. Regardless of the answer, I will make certain that you do not have the opportunity to treat anyone I know in the manner displayed here today. Shame on you."
    3999 days ago
    Oh, Lou, that was so cruel. I'm kind of a fighter, so I'm sure I would have said something unkind back to put her in her place, then felt guilty for what "I" said!

    I really liked Joy's answer to you. I think I want to add her as a friend just because of her wise reply to your blog. heh heh, tell her I'm legit, k?

    I would never, ever give that place my business, either, if I were you. Sheesh...

    Lori emoticon
    3999 days ago
    Lou, that was the very thing I talked about in (5) Stop Listening to Destructive Criticism blog , it was the 5th blog of the 12 stops I am currently blogging on.

    You ask what would I have done. I would of probably of said, "Thanks for pointing that out , I hadn't noticed my big belly " in a joking tone laughing ,then I would let it roll off my back, but I would give my business somewhere else where kindness was a rule not rudeness. She was very insensitive , I would not dwell on it because it is her problem - don't let it pull you down. Hugs, Joy

    3999 days ago
    emoticon I am so sorry someone made you feel like that emoticon

    I would have probably handled it the same way as you did; it's not worth spending the time and energy on people like that. I guess "ignorance is bliss" after all.
    3999 days ago
    emoticon to hear you experienced the thoughtlessness of an ignorant person. You did the right thing by not responding. To want to respond to her asinine comment would have been only natural, but by not reacting you took the high road.

    In my most favorite one of your blogs #199 Guidelines for Life/Handbook 2010, Rule #30 is: What other people think of you is none of your business. I try to remind myself of that rule in many different situations, such as the one you faced today. Lou, you know who you are, what you need to do, and when & how you're going to do it. Don't let ignorant comments by others make you doubt the wonderful person you are!

    3999 days ago
    I think I would have been so shocked that someone would talk to me like that, that I couldn't say anything further...until I got mad. emoticon I think you handled it well and made it clear to her that her rude behavior was NOT going to be good for her business. Sheesh, what an attitude! Shake it off, you didn't deserve that comment -- nobody deserves that treatment.
    Okay, done venting, breathing normal again.
    3999 days ago
  • no profile photo CD4114015
    I would probably have said nothing. I hate to see it but overweight people are the MOST descriminated people there is. Why do people have to pick on ANYONE? It's not like ANY of us are perfect!
    Lou, my heart goes out to you...I have been in that same position far too many times and I don't even like to think of them.
    4000 days ago
  • SOCKS117
    Wow. I might have said something like that to a close friend/ do say it to my hubby - But I would never think of saying it that crudely to a stranger. She may have been trying to help, but there has to be a better way to tell you that losing some weight will help.
    4000 days ago
    I told her I was working on losing weight. But I will not refer anyone to her business because of this. -- Lou
    4000 days ago

    Comment edited on: 3/19/2010 8:11:39 PM
  • no profile photo CD2833646
    I probably would have not made any comment in response, and continued asking questions. I then would not go there and tell them that I was not giving them my business because of the comments about my weight.

    What did you do?
    4000 days ago
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