May 02/10 On the wagon, off the wagon, on the... you get the point
Sunday, May 02, 2010
I've always struggled with what I call 'sticktoitiveness". I start lots of things and bail out. Jobs, relationships, weight loss, blah blah blah.
I started out on SP feeling very good. The small steps idea really hit home with me and I felt I was doing really well. Drinking the water felt great and I loved being able to log in every time I drank some, made me feel very successful.
Then I started getting discouraged with life. Can't find a dang job yet. Had one interview scheduled and they called back and said they had hired someone else. Struggling with the situation with my BF and the time limits we have (meaning I don't get to see him nearly as often as I'd like). Feeling nervous about applying to the social work program at school and what I'll do if I don't get in (or if I do). Starting another course on Tuesday and feeling anxious about that. Etc etc.
So these things are constants in my life and are stressors. Drinking water, eating healthy and working out are all things that would help me deal with them. So why do I chuck those things out the window?
Logically I know, that's the worst thing I could do; stop caring for myself. It only makes me feel worse.
Fortunately I am finding it easier this time to hop back on the wagon. Started drinking water again and trying to eat healthy. And plan to track everything again here because I found that highly motivating. Oh, forgot to mention, I gained back the pound I lost and I found that incredibly discouraging. Probably another reason why I bailed out. Back down the pound again.
I was using my feelings as a motivator instead of focussing on the weight. I felt great following through and tried not to obsess about the pounds (a common problem for me). But then I got obsessed with the scale again and frustrated when it didn't go down. And then even more discouraged when it went up (as result of no gym and crappy eating).
So... now it's May and I'm trying again. I focussed on my social work paperwork so that I'm not avoiding. Been doing more job search work and trying to remain hopeful. Trying to accept that my relationship with my BF if the way it is right now and that my focussing on the negative aspects doesn't help.
Hour and a half left on my DL shift and maybe I'll get an opportunity to help someone. If not, I was here and I am consistently fulfilling my committment to them and have done that since January - a HUGE deal for me. Need to pat myself on the back more for that lol.