New Ideas.... Crazy??
Friday, May 07, 2010
Ok, here I am...at 50. Thinking CRAZZYY things! My 93 year old Dad's nurse, whom I talk to alot, said I should go to nursing (LVN) school. I immediately & repeatedly told her that was NUTS!!! She finally said, Ok, she'd lay off. But she planted the seed in my brain.
I haven't worked outside my home & husband's business since my son was 10 months old, & he is almost 19 now!! I never went to ANY college, but did get my GED. Now here I sit at 50 - uneducated with no marketable skills, unemployed, & not just broke, but VERY in debt. And fairly "over the hill" to be trying to reenter the job market.
SO, I think - maaaybeee I could DO this thing! At the very least, I could look into it. I don't even know where to go with the blog after that, except to say I've never had alot of self confidence or a high self esteem. I know it would take alot of work & persistence to even get STARTED! (The first few ideas I had for schools to attend were not feasible - didn't have the program..etc etc) But even if I DID find a school - what am I ?! NUTS!!?? I know, I know.... I've read alot of inspiring things that make one think that anything is possible. But for ME??!! I get to thinking about all this & then my old brain wakes up.... "What are you THINKING!? Who? YOU??!! Oh har har - just LOOK at yourself.... Old, awkward, STUPID even... etc & blah blah. In my opinion, as I've heard & read it enough, it takes a VERY SPECIAL PERSON to be a nurse. I find it hard to believe that that could be me.
But at the same time - I don't want to give up before I even start. But then there's "Do I even really WANT this?" Not to mention, "Could I even PASS a college course, let alone get a degree or certificate?"
I saw a simpler certificate to go for at one of the community colleges - "Medical Office Front Desk", which frankly seemed a bit more realistic. Two problems with that though - the course is only given at a college that is too far from here, plus my daughter pointed out that to work a front desk at any medical place in TEXAS, you'd darn well better be bi-lingual!! (English/Spanish) Sigh. (back to the drawing board)
I've never even considered anything like this before, & so am very unsure of myself. My husband by the way, says that if I want this, he's behind me all the way. Yes, but. IF I really want this. Am I going to get into the middle of it & decide I don't want it? I thought of taking a couple of core classes just to see how hard they were, but I can't get a grant to do that, & the ONLY way I could do ANY of this would be on a grant.
I just know that the couple of times my Dad has been in the hospital lately, or I've been with someone at the doctor's office for that matter, it seemed attractive & interesting to me to be "part of" this workplace. However, again, do I just want to be "part of" something? Fit in, etc?
I know I can't sit on this too long, but can't go leaping into it thoughtlessly either. I can see me now, sitting down with a two foot stack of textbooks, going "What have I DONE??"
Anyways, thought I'd blog about it, as this is something very big for me.