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"I Just Wish You Were in Better Shape"

Monday, May 10, 2010

That's what was said to me about a week ago by someone who I thought was my friend...someone I've known for a long time...someone who I'd often give advice to...someone who I'd often receive advice from. This is a man who I was starting to fall for. We became good friends, both of us were looking for someone to complete our lives. The first time we went out, we talked and laughed the whole time. Hours seemed like minutes. It was amazing. Any good relationship starts with friendship...until comments such as these.

I instantly started sobbing. He didn't say it to my face (smart man), but before I give him any credit at all, it wouldn't have mattered...face to face...on the phone...chatting on-line...his words cut pretty deep.

Although I am a very strong person and I do well to motivate others, I allowed this to floor me for a whole week. I felt ugly, like giving up...like no one would ever want someone like me in their lives. It's hard to pick yourself up and dust yourself off when someone has just knocked the wind out of you.

I've struggled with weight for a long time. I'm not morbidly obese, but I am obese. I am at a higher risk for health issues than a person who is at an ideal weight. I cannot do this for others. I have to do this for me.

Have I been using the difficult pregnancies, devastating divorce, the stress of being a single parent with little financial support from my ex as a crutch? Perhaps. But I am ME. I make mistakes and I know that even if I have a bad day there are better days to come.

I will not let this harsh comment consume me for much longer. I had years of "Once you hit 150 lbs I'm history" ringing in my ears from my ex husband. I see this as a new obstacle to overcome. With the love and support of all my friends, who sincerely understand where I'm coming from...who have faced similar mean, thoughtless comments from someone of ignorance, I will win the battle. I will leave these so-called "other" friends behind.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week. It's another fresh start for me, and I don't want to ever look back.

P.S. It's funny how certain music can be aired on the radio at just the right moment. I was driving this weekend and this song came on the radio...Beautiful. I'll share it with you. I was very touched and motivated.

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay

And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I just read your blog and I have to tell you it sure hit home to me and brought tears to my eyes.

    YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL and don't ever forget that.

    I have been there with the ex also he would badmouth me name call and tell me everything was my fault - the main reason was because I was FAT. And what that did was make me eat in order to find comfort. My self esteem went to Zero and to be honest I have not loved myself or thought I was worth squat for many many years.

    You my friend are STRONG and BEAUTIFUL ... a powerful and wonderful combination.

    Someone that states those comments are showing their true colors and they can move on.

    We my friend have alot in common. I too am a single Mom.

    Thanks for blogging this my friend will inspire many.

    TO a BEAUTIFUL Woman..have a BEAUTIFUL day !!

    Shirl emoticon
    3975 days ago
    You ARE beautiful. He can stick that in his pipe and smoke it!
    3976 days ago
    Well, as much as it hurt (and man would that would hurt so much) it's good you saw his true colors now like others have said. I wish I knew him! I'd give him a good piece of my mind and watch him crawl away whimpering! How dare he hurt someone as sweet as you???! Ugh. What a sad man.

    Hold your head high! I'm sorry he hurt you.

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    3996 days ago
    Yes, you are beautiful. Very beautiful inside and out. I'm proud to know you. emoticon
    3997 days ago
    I know how these comments can make you feel. They can really cut to the bone. However, he's the one with the problem. He obviously thinks he needs to have a woman that looks a certain way in order to make him look good.

    Don't let it get you down. Your making positive changes and you will make the changes YOU want to make.

    You are a good person and worth the effort.

    3997 days ago
    That's horrible!!! Thank heaven you found out early in the relationship! It was a very insensitive thing to say. Sheesh!

    3997 days ago
    i am glad he told you that now instead of waiting until the 2 of you got into a real relationship i know it was not something a real friend would say you are a very beautiful woman but looks are just one thing you are beautiful inside as well i know because you are a very dear friend of mine and i wouldn't change a thing about you
    3997 days ago
    That was a horrible tackless thing for that man to say to you.
    I'm glad that you were able to pull yourself up and stay in the game and not give up. You are making changes and progress.
    Look at all that you've dealt with in your life. You are a fighter and no one can take that away from you. I'm glad that you didn't throw in the towel.
    Stay strong!!

    emoticon emoticon
    3997 days ago
    I am sorry that this man made that comment to you and made you feel bad, but remember you can't give him that control! You know you are a better person then that! There are going to be people that hurt us in this lifetime, but we have to be able to pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and realize we are giving it our best effort and who is someone else to say how difficult the road is going to be?
    You can't give up and don't beat yourself up over the past. Just continue in the present and remember you are beautiful just like the song says! Have a good day and stay motivated! emoticon
    3997 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/10/2010 8:19:21 AM
  • LENA79691
    I was feeling kinda down today until I read your blog. Thank you... You are a beautiful person dont let anyone make you believe otherwise.
    3997 days ago
    Wow... that was my ex as well, always "you are great, except...". I feel for you, but you wrote an incredibly beautiful post and you ARE beautiful. Keep up the great work!
    3997 days ago
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