"I Just Wish You Were in Better Shape"

That's what was said to me about a week ago by someone who I thought was my friend...someone I've known for a long time...someone who I'd often give advice to...someone who I'd often receive advice from. This is a man who I was starting to fall for. We became good friends, both of us were looking for someone to complete our lives. The first time we went out, we talked and laughed the whole time. Hours seemed like minutes. It was amazing. Any good relationship starts with friendship...until comments such as these.

I instantly started sobbing. He didn't say it to my face (smart man), but before I give him any credit at all, it wouldn't have mattered...face to face...on the phone...chatting on-line...his words cut pretty deep.

Although I am a very strong person and I do well to motivate others, I allowed this to floor me for a whole week. I felt ugly, like giving up...like no one would ever want someone like me in their lives. It's hard to pick yourself up and dust yourself off when someone has just knocked the wind out of you.

I've struggled with weight for a long time. I'm not morbidly obese, but I am obese. I am at a higher risk for health issues than a person who is at an ideal weight. I cannot do this for others. I have to do this for me.

Have I been using the difficult pregnancies, devastating divorce, the stress of being a single parent with little financial support from my ex as a crutch? Perhaps. But I am ME. I make mistakes and I know that even if I have a bad day there are better days to come.

I will not let this harsh comment consume me for much longer. I had years of "Once you hit 150 lbs I'm history" ringing in my ears from my ex husband. I see this as a new obstacle to overcome. With the love and support of all my friends, who sincerely understand where I'm coming from...who have faced similar mean, thoughtless comments from someone of ignorance, I will win the battle. I will leave these so-called "other" friends behind.

I hope everyone has a wonderful week. It's another fresh start for me, and I don't want to ever look back.

P.S. It's funny how certain music can be aired on the radio at just the right moment. I was driving this weekend and this song came on the radio...Beautiful. I'll share it with you. I was very touched and motivated.

Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful
And suddenly, i saw debris
Now and then, I get insecure
From all the pain, I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring me down
So don't you bring me down today

To all your friends, you're delirious
So consumed in all your doom
Trying hard to fill the emptiness
The piece is gone left the puzzle undone
That's the way it is

You are beautiful no matter what they say
Words can't bring you down
You are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring you down
Don't you bring me down today...

No matter what we do
(no matter what we do)
No matter what they say
(no matter what they say)
When the sun is shining through
Then the clouds won't stay


And everywhere we go
(everywhere we go)
The sun won't always shine
(sun won't always shine)
But tomorrow will find a way
All the other times

'cause we are beautiful no matter what they say
Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no
We are beautiful in every single way
Yes, words can't bring us down
Don't you bring me down today

Don't you bring me down today
Don't you bring me down today